It's so pointless.
I don't feel the motivation to do anything now, though there are bouts of urgency and inspirations every now and then. Still, there is no progress. I don't even have the tendency now to pick up any of the numerous unread books on my bookshelves. And even if I do so, it won't be for long before I shove the book away, no matter how plausible it is.
The thing is, I seem to have reached a bottom-low of my life now, being rather aimless and just in a daze. It is especially evident when you don't get to study in a tertiary school like NUS or NTU. And instead, you are doing part-time studies at SIM. Yes. The flexibility of the study schedule is one of the pros, provided if you are doing something concrete and constructive for the rest of your schedule. Which I am, sadly, NOT.
I did sign up at MOE's website to be a relief teacher though. And I'm still waiting for a confirmation. Guess I might go into teaching if given an opportunity. I don't really mind at all. But seriously, I wouldn't think of settling down being a school teacher though. The thing is, I'm quite an ambitious person when it comes to what I want to achieve in life. 9-5 kind of office jobs are seriously not my cup of tea. And hence, whenever I looked through ST's Classifieds Jobs, I would give "Admin" a miss. Having said that though, I have agreed to go on a career talk with this land banking company this Saturday. Though I have absolutely no knowledge in what it is about, I guess I'm giving myself a chance to check out if it is a prospect that I can look into. So let's see how it goes.
You know, I guess waking up late almost everyday now, having a lack of energy and motivation to do things, all these probably attributes to a lack of exercise, which dearie has always reminded me that I should start working out soon. The thing is, I even lack the motivation to do so. *laughs at pathetic self* Initially, I used to be able to do things alone. But as my social circle widens, or as the years passed, I find that it gets more easy to feel lonely.
Adapted from one of my earlier poems..
"The meaning of loneliness bothers me so, why oh why am I feeling so low?"
Actually, I guess a large part of this is due to the fact that I'm jobless, and thus I feel this emptiness that I simply can't describe. School's starting only in mid Jan next year. So I really must find something to occupy myself.
Hopefully 2009 would be a MUCH better year!
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