The Curtains Aren't Drawn: On Hate, With Sadness.
Warning: Not a happy entry. Not smiling.
My most recent emotion just before I type this entry: pain. In my heart. Like a heartburn. It's excruciating I find it hard to feel the beat anymore. Maybe somebody can tell me if there's a remedy to it? Or am I supposed to find it myself?
I feel like as if I'm just going through the motion. Going to work now means waking up early in the morning everyday and getting ready for a bus-train-shuttle ride, except I drove to work today. But still, the traffic condition in the morning was quite horrendous. When I got to office, I plonked myself on the seat and got ready to be challenged with the amount of tasks waiting for me to accomplish. The shifting of heavy boxes, labelling, stacking, filing, typing seemed endless. The hours did pass by pretty fast. But still, I hate the routine. I hate rules. I hate having to wake up early in the morning to compete with other commuters "who gets to work first". I hate having to be assigned tasks that seemed rather "no-brain". I hate how 'A' levels cert = useless in the job hunt process. I hate how I have to be put in an enclosed environment and just do what is required. I hate knowing the fact that I hate all these. I don't complain. I don't grumble. I swallow all my thoughts deep inside, only to find out that they are burning a hole inside me.
I hate how the society confines us. How we have the lack of free speech even if they promised so. Yes. You do have free speech. But there's "GST" to it. If you speak of any sensitive issues that are of disturbance in nature, you are prepared to pay the full "cost". I hate how academic certificate requirements are flooding the workforce. I see the word "diploma" and "degree" so much it gets so saturated, and pointless. Why was I so gullible to follow the notion that JC is the fastest route to University? There's a catch. Yes. Didn't you look at the tiny printed words at the bottom of the requirement sheet? I shall be kind enough to bold it for you. JC is the fastest route to University, provided you aced your "A" levels. We are not talking about the number of students who struggled through the exams even though they studied hard. We are not talking how they are enveloped by the stress so much so that they have nightmares before each paper. No we aren't. We are merely talking about how we deserve what we get. And that's pretty much what's worth talking about. Any other opportunities? Find yourself. Ah ah, no spoon-feeding, mind you.
I'm 22 years old. A qualified adult, but lacking of the successful traits for now. Armed with an 'A' level cert, I walk around searching for a route to explore. I carry my bow and arrow with me. My bow - my mind, my arrow - my etiquette. There is definitely lots of hunting to do. I hate the dense foliage. I hate getting lost without a map and compass.
And I hate waking up the next morning to find that the sun is not up yet.
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