Afloat???
Well, recently I have taken tons of photos. Of me chuckling away, grinning so wide as if tomorrow doesn't matter. Of me posing all sort of funny poses and acting like a clown in front of the camera. Of me showing how 'stupid' or 'dumb' I actually can look. I can post all the photos here. But I realise there is no need to. My blog has no space for fake happiness.
The truth is, there is always something at the back of my mind deterring me from achieving the true definition of happiness, of freedom. What comes with happiness you may ask? Well there are indeed many definitions of happiness, but sad to say, I'm probably even struggling with the basics of it. My job-hunting is a flop so far, can't find a suitable job with good income. Maybe I'm too fussy. My character sucks. I know that. Yes, and I DO NOT show how lousy I can be in front of my friends. I show my happy self. I show my gleeful self. I show my 'crazy' self. I show my fun-loving self.
But I haven't been myself.
Give me a bucket and I can fill it up to the brim with tears. I reckon I can do that since I don't cry very easily. So I guess the volume I've saved is good enough to fill up a whole bucket. Oh yes. Have you heard about my spending habits? Oh you have to hear it. It's unbelievable. I haven't been saving since NS. Haha. Yes, I squander away every cent oof my monthly NS pay. And now, I'm struggling in keeping my bank account alive with digits. How wonderful right?
Oh. And I can write a paycheck to myself. $000.00
0 Hundred 00 and cents 0 only. HAHAHA. I so deserved that huh?
Maybe I should try drowning myself to know the importance of what a breath of fresh air truly means.
1 comment:
Btw wrt to yr previous post on yr paranoia and all tt, I hope u have gotten over it. Please confide in someone because that usually helps.
Fake happiness?! Are things really so bad such that joy is fake? Showing one's lousy self is a way of being truthful to yrself and yr frens. You can think of it as respect to both parties too. Have you tried a job agent? Since this job will only be for a few mths, I think getting an agent wont be tt bad.
Please dun think so negatively of yrself. It hardly helps things. I remained jobless for quite a while before so I can understand how u feel. Maybe its best to set expectations a little lower. Of cos try to cut down spending along the way as well.
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