The Curtains Aren't Drawn: On Hate, With Sadness.

Warning: Not a happy entry. Not smiling.

My most recent emotion just before I type this entry: pain. In my heart. Like a heartburn. It's excruciating I find it hard to feel the beat anymore. Maybe somebody can tell me if there's a remedy to it? Or am I supposed to find it myself?

I feel like as if I'm just going through the motion. Going to work now means waking up early in the morning everyday and getting ready for a bus-train-shuttle ride, except I drove to work today. But still, the traffic condition in the morning was quite horrendous. When I got to office, I plonked myself on the seat and got ready to be challenged with the amount of tasks waiting for me to accomplish. The shifting of heavy boxes, labelling, stacking, filing, typing seemed endless. The hours did pass by pretty fast. But still, I hate the routine. I hate rules. I hate having to wake up early in the morning to compete with other commuters "who gets to work first". I hate having to be assigned tasks that seemed rather "no-brain". I hate how 'A' levels cert = useless in the job hunt process. I hate how I have to be put in an enclosed environment and just do what is required. I hate knowing the fact that I hate all these. I don't complain. I don't grumble. I swallow all my thoughts deep inside, only to find out that they are burning a hole inside me.

I hate how the society confines us. How we have the lack of free speech even if they promised so. Yes. You do have free speech. But there's "GST" to it. If you speak of any sensitive issues that are of disturbance in nature, you are prepared to pay the full "cost". I hate how academic certificate requirements are flooding the workforce. I see the word "diploma" and "degree" so much it gets so saturated, and pointless. Why was I so gullible to follow the notion that JC is the fastest route to University? There's a catch. Yes. Didn't you look at the tiny printed words at the bottom of the requirement sheet? I shall be kind enough to bold it for you. JC is the fastest route to University, provided you aced your "A" levels. We are not talking about the number of students who struggled through the exams even though they studied hard. We are not talking how they are enveloped by the stress so much so that they have nightmares before each paper. No we aren't. We are merely talking about how we deserve what we get. And that's pretty much what's worth talking about. Any other opportunities? Find yourself. Ah ah, no spoon-feeding, mind you.

I'm 22 years old. A qualified adult, but lacking of the successful traits for now. Armed with an 'A' level cert, I walk around searching for a route to explore. I carry my bow and arrow with me. My bow - my mind, my arrow - my etiquette. There is definitely lots of hunting to do. I hate the dense foliage. I hate getting lost without a map and compass.

And I hate waking up the next morning to find that the sun is not up yet.

I used to put this photo of mine in my resumes. Until one fine day my gf's cousin saw it and told her it's not appropriate cos it looks like a model. Lol. Oh well, now I know why I'm not getting many replies. *grumbles*

And hence, I settled for a more "passport-photo-looking" photo which my gf helped scan in.

Ok. Maybe the first photo i can use for portfolio for modelling. Lol.
Second photo... I looked so HIRABLE!!!

LOL. XD

Our 11th month..

A collage I made. =)

Monday - Back to Work. -_-"

Hi yes peeps. I'm back to blog. Monday blues? Not quite. Cos work isn't that tedious for me. Or maybe you can say that I'm someone who knows how to "relac one corner" during work. Haha. But well, admin duties are quite manageable so far. Need to do all the sorting, excel stuff(think I'm so pro with that now haha). And then, some of the staff will like "Anson(handsome), can help me carry the files from this room to that room?" blah blah blah. Ok. So I guess I kinda enjoyed moving stuff. Hey man, been so used to all the "saikang" back in NS days, moving heavy bulky stuff here and there. I thought it's good training. Haha. So moving the boxes of files or whatsoever isn't much of a hassle la. Except I got a few cuts on my arms because of the cardbox edges. -.-"

Recently I'm thinking about whether I should really go into full-time studies first or not. I mean I have registered for UniSim's part time studies, but honestly, I have people telling me I should concentrate on my studies, and what it's very tiring to cope with full-time work and part-time studies. I don't know why but suddenly earning money seems like a main priority for me now, especially after experiencing the NS-too-low-pay-each-month bad times when my bank account was always thirsty of digits. So I don't know. Maybe I should heed the advices and just go ahead and register for a full-time course at GlobalSim. Well, I guess I have to do so fast, since registering at UniSim wouldn't guarantee me a place cos you have to meet the requirements of having 2 years working experience, blah blah. In short, UniSim is for working adults. And I'm still not a full-time employee yet. Just temp for now. So maybe, well maybe, I should opt for the safer route. STUDY first. Having that said, I have dilemmas on what full-time course I should really apply for. I mean I already have a general idea of what I like, except that I like a variety of stuff. Communications, Business Marketing, or Hotel and Tourism Management. All 3 seem to be my cup of tea. But I need to make a choice quick!

Was chatting with a colleague during lunch today. Told her the dreams I have, about wanting to publish a book, direct a movie, make my music, perform, etc. And then she looked at me quizzically, seemingly knowing the fact that I'm pretty much not doing anything to reach for my dreams. Haha. Oh well. NS kinda burnt my free-time to look for good opportunities. Now I'm stuck at work. What to do? Maybe I should just start looking out for good workshops to crash or take part in a competition or two, regardless how "wannabe" I may appear to be. But then, trust me, I'm not!

"Mama, life has just begun....."

I conclude that QUEEN is the best band. Like EVER. I watched the musical "We Will Rock You" at Esplanade this afternoon with dearie. It simply ROCKED X100!!! Was sitting at the first row by the side, which was so near to the stage. And paid only $50 each for the student price ticket. And I only have to give you the main reason is because it's a musical with all the songs from Queen's. And the lead actor Mig Ayesa did a fantastic job. Great acting. Great voice. I almost lost my voice shouting and screaming and cheering towards the end. They did so many great songs like "We Are the Champions", "Somebody to Love", "Crazy Little Thing Called Love", "Don't Stop Me Now", etc. A brilliant brilliant performance with a plausible plot and appealing characters. Totally blew everyone away. Can't help but stand up and cheered nearing the end. It was like HIGH HIGH HIGH!

And I totally DIG the song "Bohemian Rhapsody". It's like the most ingenious song ever to be written. I think I can replay it again and again without even getting bored. Simply amazing melody, lyrics and arrangement. Argghh QUEEN! Why do you rock so much?!!?!! I can be chairman of Queen's fanclub any day.

The erupting emotion needs to be dealt.

I always thought that I do great in my anger management... but recently, I have become less tolerant towards certain issues, particularly pertaining my morals and character, which I believe are rigid enough to repel any form of bad influences. Other than that, I believe there is no need to question my principles. Why must I then be provoked? Argh. The feeling's like a rush of breathlessness that desperately needs space to breathe and disperse. Angry cells, or whatever they are. Hate them! Although I don't usually scream or shout when I'm angry except perhaps raising my voice a little, I still need to keep the mounting tension low by maintaining my composure as far as possible and tell myself to stay cool.

All I need you to know is that you are the last person in this world whom I want to be provoked by. And you are the last person in this world that I will ever want to vent my anger to. All I'm asking is a little understanding on this issue.

Fight Club, Choke, Survivor, Invisible Monsters...

What do the above book titles have in common? They were written by Chuck Palahniuk. They spells violence, grotesque... Anyway, I checked out Chuck Palahniuk's biography on Wikipedia.

Found 3 shocking news.

1. He's gay. As simple as that. Ok not that shocking actually.

2. And as quoted from Wikipedia's, "While on his 2003 tour to promote his novel Diary, Palahniuk read to his audiences a short story titled "Guts", a tale of accidents involving masturbation, which appears in his book Haunted. It was reported that to that point, 40 people had fainted while listening to the readings.[9] Playboy magazine would later publish the story in their March 2004 issue; Palahniuk offered to let them publish another story along with it, but the publishers found the second work too disturbing. On his tour to promote Stranger Than Fiction: True Stories in the summer of 2004, he read the story to audiences again, bringing the total amount of fainters up to 53, and later up to 60, while on tour to promote the softcover edition of Diary. In the fall of that year, he began promoting "Haunted", and continued to read "Guts". At his October 4th, 2004 reading in Boulder, Colorado, Palahniuk noted that, after that day, his number of fainters was up to 68. The last fainting occurred in November 2004, in Durham, North Carolina. Palahniuk is apparently not bothered by these incidents, which have not stopped fans from reading "Guts" or his other works. Audio recordings of his readings of the story have since circulated on the Internet. In the afterword of the latest edition of "Haunted", Palahniuk reports that "Guts" is now responsible for 73 faintings."

3.

This pic was actually taken from his fansite. A rather disturbingly funny pic. Oh well, it alludes to his story plots anyway. And guess that must be one of the promotional pics for his new book "Snuff"!

Hi. What's your favourite Jobby?

Third day of work, and I am already getting used to the office hours routine. Luckily this current assignment is only till end of June. A job recruitment consultant actually called me in the afternoon and asked if I want a job with a 1 year contract. Hell no. Not at this moment. Not at this point.

Ok, so far my job scope's pretty idiot-proof. Just filing and sorting of documents. Oh no no, not idiot-proof. You actually need to be proficient enough with MS Excel to accomplish some of the tasks. And I'm quite proud to say that I'm a fast learner when it comes to computer stuff and programming. So yeah. Extra knowledge for future applications. *KAA-CHHINNG!* Oops, wait. Wrong sound effect. *DING DING DING!* (lighted-bulb-knowledgeable-effect)

I realise that when working in an office environment, time passes real fast! It is as if time is trapped in the office confinements, and as fast as the typing sounds, heels clicking sounds, clattering of laughter sounds, time just ticks past fast. Few hours upon stepping into the office, lunch break arrives. Few hours later, homeward bound! And hence, office job is not a bad idea actually.(Provided you are not overloaded with work to do).

Anyway, I pretty much slacked the whole afternoon right after lunch. In fact, I was surfing the net, and even had the time to write a new article for my website at http://www.triond.com/users/nightcharmer In case you have not checked it out, please do. As far as possible, I try to accomplish my tasks within the shortest period of time. After that, I can just kick back and relax. Of course not literally!

I stumbled across this love poem online which I thought is simple but nice and heartfelt.

How I Love You - by Susan B. Anna

How I do love you?

There are many ways to say, “I

love you,”

some ways I've yet to share, but

deep inside

it feels so warm to know how

much I care.

I look at you and feel

so much more,

with every passing breath.

Whoever thought that someday I

would ever feel this way?

You made me want to live my life

as carefree as can be,

you've also made me realize,

its so much fun to just be me.

My life has turned around somehow,

but don't worry it was best.

For your the reason that I feel that I was greatly blessed.

You brighten up my days with just a simple smile.

The talks we have are proof enough of how well we get along.

In you I found a confidant, a best friend I can hold dear,

and no one can destroy what we feel so very near.

To love you is to be with you no matter what your flaws,

but now I come to think of it and I see none at all.

I love you oh so much my love.

I hope you always know it, but if you need convincing,

there are ways I can sure show it.

Ok. Had a reading urge today after finding out some exciting books recommended by Chuck Palahniuk on his website http://www.chuckpalahniuk.net/ Can't wait for his new book, Snuff, to arrive! Can't wait to buy new books! Arrgh. But I have to finish reading the books I have bought previously first.

I have something to tell myself now. "Love your job, honey". Oops, I mean, "Mister".

Mister's reply: "Zzzzzzz"

My typing speed: 1,000wpm.(1,000 "w's" per min)

Received some complaints/grumblings from someone/somebody who said I ought to update my blog. DUDE. It's only like 1 day un-updated. So yeah. Patience is the key. Patience is virtue. Lose the key, you lose the virtue. Hahaha.

Started my first day at work today. In case you are clueless where I'm working at, I'm working at SIM! Yeah man. Currently helping out with the admin stuff at the Exams department. Since the exams are around the corner and they are desperately in need of more help, they are out to "kill" me! *Screams*(who cares anyway?). Anyway, anyway, anyway...

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I'M ACTUALLY SETTLING DOWN TO DO ADMIN WORK!!!1!1111!111!

You gotta give credits to me for that. Or better still, give me your credit card. HAHAHA. But honestly, if you have ever listened carefully(or read carefully), I mentioned before that office kind of job is quite a big no-no to me. Untillllllllllllllllllllllll..................... I realised that. Hey, the aircon is cooling, the seats are comfortable! Jk. Until I know that I need to quit being that "restless" and actually "tame" myself by sitting put at a job. So I guess it's a good try out.

First day of work. Bombarded with lotsa work to do. Suddenly felt like a saikang warrior again. Like in army like that. Always do lots of miscellaneous unpaid work. But this is different. At least I get paid this time. So what do I have to complain? Haha. So, I had this guy who's in-charge of me. Some 1983 guy.(Why did I make him sound so insignificant? LOL) Yeah, quite a nice guy. But then, when it comes to business, I guess I still have to settle down and get serious. Like gear myself up. Put a bandana with the words "MUST WIN"(in chinese) on it. You get the idea.

COMPLAIN LEVEL: 20%
Ok. First saikang of the day. Helped him type out a piece of instruction written by him, which by the way, needed some squinting at the handwriting. But still, I love typing. Like totally. So it's effortless in a way. So I'm not complaining.

COMPLAIN LEVEL: 50%
This actually ought to be 60% to 70% but I'm just reducing it on the sake that it's my first day of work. So yeah. I was handed a list of stationery items to be packed equally into 5 boxes. All the miscellaneous paper, pens, markers, pencils, paper-clips, eraser, rulers, stapler, highlighters, blah blah blah. The boxes are supposed to be used for the examiners to bring in the various examination venues for their own purposes. I can actually imagine them throwing the pens at one another. And what could possibly happen if there's a cute little rat in each of the box? You can imagine that "Silence" in the examination hall is thus invalid. HAHAHA. Anyway, just some thoughts to entertain. Don't look at me as if I would really do something like that. DUDE. I still have my morals. Like totally.

COMPLAIN LEVEL: 80%
My highest complain-worthy task of the day was to sit in front of the computer for 3 hours straight, filling in the exam timetable along with the invigilators' names in the Excel spreadsheets. I had to like do SO MANY adjustments and refer here and there, copy here and there, paste here and there. After one task, I felt that I'm ready to give a tutorial on How To Use Excel. Anyway, I got the job done at the end of the day. I guess I'm pro. HA.

All in all, been a mentally-stressful day. Was actually supposed to have tuition after work, at night. My student(a pri 2 boy) called around 7 plus in the evening and told me that I need not come today cos "it was raining". WHAT KIND OF EXCUSE IS THAT? But anyway, I did not insist on coming after hearing that innocent yet full of childlike-charm voice of his. But then, he suddenly said, "tuition teacher, you cannot touch me". I was like QUESTION MARK. I thought what happened. He replied, "I have hand foot and mouth disease".

Ok. Ok. Ok. Enough stress for the day. You take care tutee. And let me decide whether to give you tuition tomorrow ok. Do you have a protective armour suit ready for me? Please say yes.

S-Catch(SKetCh) me!

Met up with Simon and Daniel yesterday. Went to eat at Rocky's Place at Sunset Way area. Love the pasta there. Ordered the creamy Alfredo spaghetti but got quite full and "sick" of it even though it tasted nice. Haha. After that we went NUS to chill out for a while at the Spinelli cafe there. It was alright I guess. After which, headed down town with Simon to hang around aimlessly. Lol. Bought a sketch pad and marker and I was very excited! Decided to chill out at Taka's Coffee Bean where I spent some time drawing some random stuff.

When dearie came, I requested to draw her. First time drawing her on the spot, other than the other times I tried sketching her portrait through her photographs. Haha. This time was a bit different. It was "live". Heh heh.

That's me, serious-looking while drawing.

I looked so engrossed in the moment!

Sketch! Sketch!

Tada! My masterpiece!

Here's dearie posing with the portrait I drew. Don't you think it really resembles her?! Well, you better say yes! HAHA. =D

Honestly, I thought I could have drawn better. Cos I did not really add in much detail in this drawing. Just some quick sketch. But still, what can I say? It's an effort I made ok! Haha. XD

And nevertheless, I loved it. =P

After my drawing, dearie insisted that she it was her turn to draw me too. So I was like ok. Haha. Let's see what she has got!

Hmm... her seriousness resembles mine! =P

Starting out on her sketch. Oooh, look! That's the forming of my face on picture!

Looks all set and ready to show her masterpiece!

The result! =D=D=D=D=D=D

I chuckled when I saw her portrait of me. Haha. She insisted that it looked like me, especially the picture of the camera on my printed tee. Haha. Oh well. Props to her too. Yeah, that was a "cute" sketch. =P

So, the verdict? At least it's drawn by her. And I loved it anyway. =)

Previous Occupation? Slacker.

I went for a job interview today, recommended by Recruit Express, which I only got to know of yesterday. Some truck repair company, dealing with heavy vehicles. Made my way to tuas early in the morning. And the place was deep inside the core of Tuas. Didn't really think much of the job actually since I already had one on hand. So when I went in and had an interview session with the manager, who looked pompous and spoke pompously, I knew I had to get out asap. They wanted people with technical background, and obviously I looked like some country pumpkin with no relevant knowledge on vehicle spare parts, engine, whatsoever. And he was like kept smiling and chuckling to himself above that beer belly, saying that he did not know what else to ask me. Yeah. I also felt quite out of place and I regretted having to wake up that early just to make my way to an interview that had to be an inevitable flop in some run-down company. All thanks to the agent at the job agency. You guys honestly need to buck up and not anyhow match job-seekers with your clients out of desperation for commission. That's just
ridiculous.

Luckily, on the other hand, I had another humbler job agency that helped me secure a temp job position at SIM. Oh yeah, I have nothing to complain. As Simon(not the one in American Idol) said, working in a university would be so much fun. Well, I truly hoped so. I have this big NO-NO deterrence for boring mundane jobs. So let's see.

Starting work on monday. 3 more days left to slack. Not that I dislike the occupation of a slacker. But sometimes slacking too much gets bored as well. Ok what am I saying? Meeting up Simon and Daniel for lunch tomorrow. Can't wait to blabber on with the latest gossips and whatever. OK now stop looking at me like that. Who says guys can't gossip???

You better check out, you better check out, you better check out, you better check out, Mister Chao has a new website liao~

Lol. I'm shouting out to the pool of few readers I've got here. Anyway, who cares? HEY GUYS! HEY!! *Waves* I've started out on a new webpage featuring my works. Everything from poems, stories, drawings, articles, etc. Will be updating regularly. So on your part, do check out when you are free ok?

http://www.triond.com/users/nightcharmer

Spread the ARTS. Spread the LOVE.

That's So Random! *insert wink here*


Hello one and all, welcome to the all new season of That's So Random!

I'm not sure how much you guys like randomness. Personally, I enjoy being random. Not that I purposely want to be random, but that makes up part of my character as being rather unpredictable I suppose. I guess it's a love or hate thing. There are people who laughed at my random jokes, people who cringed at my random mood. It really depends how you are going to view me. It's just not going to be definitive. I hate restrictions you see.

Here are some past examples of being random:

Well, just a non-chalant pose.. *Cranes long neck*

Now you get a "stunned" look.

Wahey, check this out.

Your new friendly traffic officer.

The ultimate deal.

You may say. Hey Chao. Or hey Shun, are you trying to prove anything? Nah man. Ain't trying to prove anything here. Just to show the different evolution levels of randomness. If you are still living in the past impression of me as a nerd/geek, you honestly need to move on!!! That's Chao for you. And Shun too.

*****

Can't believe it! After much procrastination and hesitation, I actually got a job!!! I actually got landed in a job!!! Someone wants to hire me after all! Someone thinks I'm good enough for them after all! Someone thinks I'm the best choice after all! Ok that someone is....... Well, not exactly someone... but........... *drumrolls*...............

SIM.

Yeah. You heard me. The school I'm going to study in is actually hiring me as one of their admin staff. Great. Admin work. Little experience. Nonetheless, here I come! Hopefully, I will garner a better position to be accepted into the course of my desire. Oh well, not a fantastic pay but I could put up with that as I desperately need a job to quench my bank account. Totally.

And oh yeah, just received the government subsidy amount. $600 in all, divided into 3 installments. Quite a cool deal eh? See, the benefits of being a Singaporean. If you're not a Singaporean, click apply now!!! Ok, whatever.

Oh, and hey, check this out!!! Doesn't it look like.... a PUSH UP??? Classic! Ok I proved my point, I hope.

**Randomly ends this entry**

Disappointment vs Determination

I just saw what my sis wrote on her blog(which I assume she does not know) and I felt very disappointed with what she wrote. First, she called me a "good for nothing". And she hurled verbal insults on my mum. Must she be filled with so much hatred? Honestly, she needs to do reflections man. Spoke to her bf the other day and got to know from him that she keeps telling him she does not want to grow up. And how dare she say I live in my own dreamyland. She herself is living in her own self-denial world of princessy thoughts! I hope she does not really believe in Peter Pan. And no, I harbour no intention of apologising to her for the other day cos she was just being all so unreasonable. And seeing the way she wrote all that, she really deserves no apologies from me man. I think she needs to wake up her idea real soon. She can continue to hate but she'll only sink further. Whatever sis. Go your own way.

I think one good thing about me is that I don't hate people. Yes I may dislike someone, but definitely not to the extent of hate. Cos I believe no one deserves to be hated. Not even the most rebellious kid off the block. What they need is attention. I had my fair share of experience too. I believe everyone has their own phase of teenage-hood. There are some that may seem a bit more rebellious than most. Mine seemed a bit unconventional. Cos it's not really about joining gangs or getting into fights or whatever. Whatever it is, I'm glad that phase has passed, and though there is still some tremors felt, I have since learnt and matured in my thoughts and actions.

Of course, there are many areas that need to be polished. I have my own set of thinkings, and I strongly hold on to my own philosophies. But I am also open to others' opinions. I guess I'm not yet matured in the sense that I have not seen enough of adulthood-trouble-spells(which means I'm still not officially stepped into the workforce yet). So there are still many things to learn along the way. As for my character wise, I'm gradually changing. From a closed up individual to a more receptive person. And there are more to learn along the way.

Regarding the recent job-hunt, I had replies but either I was too picky or what, I'm still jobless now. I'm just gonna settle down as soon as I have a job offer of at least $1.5k. That's not too much to ask for right? Of course, I would prefer one that gives me ample of opportunities to nurture and also one that gives me good experience to bank on for my future career.

*****

Ok. Enough of the serious talk. I'm someone who "hates" to dwell too much into serious stuff. That's not to mean that I'm not a serious person. I get serious when it comes down to doing serious work. However, I would rather take things light-heartedly so that when negatives happen, at least the bad emotions do not surface that easily. That is what I call, clever handling of emotions. Haha. That's very useful for someone who is innately emotional, like me. I would prefer to laugh things off. No matter how bad the situation is. Laughter is still the best medicine. Of course, easier said than done, you may say. But have you tried? =)

Yesterday, accompanied dearie to IMM to source for a mobile phone. Coincidentally, we were both in the same mood of changing a new phone. Haha. Lingered around the Starhub shop and after comparing the phone models, she got a N82!!! Of course, the real retail price of the phone costs near to $900 now! However, she chose to sign up a line(which isn't cheap as well due to the high market value of the phone) and paid for it using the vouchers her family gave her on her birthday. In the end, she got it for around $200. I like the phone very much too!! Ah, my turn will come when I finally get to have the feel of having a new piece of communication tool on my hand. Please. Give me a good gadget!!! I hope my parents read my blog. Just this paragraph will do. HEY MUMMY AND DADDY, CAN YOU KINDLY SPONSOR YOUR LOVABLE AND SENSIBLE SON A NEW MOBILE PHONE? Ok, they might disagree on the 2 adjectives I used to describe myself though.

*****

Last but least, LOVE. Not Hate.

Tiff

Yesterday, had a huge quarrel in my house. It all started out when I felt quite angry towards my elder sister who's been hogging on to the car almost every day every week, so much so that I get so little chance to use it. And the thing is if I want to use it on a weekend, I have to fetch her to work early in the morning and back from work at night as the condition, which is simply ridiculous. I drove the car out last evening in a fit of anger, not minding the fact that she needed the car to go for her evening lesson. And to counter that, she took away my $200-red packet money given by my gf's dad, which got me so pissed off.

When I came back home I demanded her to return me the money, and she claimed she used it. And I made a big fuss. And my mum came out to confront her. And then brought in the whole other picture, reprimanding her vehemently. And there were throwing of things here and there. And all these happened last early morning. While everyone should be sleeping.

You ask me if I want all these to happen? No. But I've given in too much that I thought I need to stop being Mr. Nice Brother and fight for what I deserved. I am sorry to put her in such a situation though. The tension is still there between my mum and her and all I can do now is to wait for the tension to subside.

I just hope things will go back to normal. And that my sis can change in some ways. Stop being stubborn. And I am really someone who hates quarrels and will try to avoid possibly any quarrel. So yeah. Let time heals all wounds.

Genting-ing-ing

Hey I'm back from Genting! It was a last minute trip! On Tuesday night, I just got back from tuition when I got to know that my parents were setting off to Genting. I asked if I could tag along and was actually just casually asking when I actually agreed to go, on impulse. I reckon I would need a small break from all the stress I've been experiencing.

Nevertheless, the trip was great. Although I enjoyed myself, at the back of my mind, there were things back at home that I can't let go. So, as a matter of fact, I was "torturing" myself, trying to balance the happy cells with the sad cells when somehow there isn't an equilibrium to be made.

Anyway, we went there by car. Me along with my parents, my grandparents, my uncle, aunt, cousins. The journey there was quite draggy. Around 4 hours plus or so. But I liked the idea of travelling at night. The stars out there shining on the dark highways were just amazing. Even in car, I felt a peace of mind. Some tranquility. Somehow I could use some time for some reflections and self-indulgence. I remembered the 12 hour coach ride from Bangkok to Chiangmai several years back. It was amazing! My folks were complaining of the long ride but I was just enjoying myself, staring at the night scenery out there, seeing if there's a chance of seeing any wild animals out there. And indeed saw a few elephants. Cool!

So back to my Genting trip, the themepark was the main attraction. No matter how many times I went there. I could not just forgo that. I went for 2X SpaceShot, 3X Corkscrew rollercoaster, 2X Viking, 2X Flying Coaster, 1X Go Kart, etc. We tried every possible exciting ride there. And it was amazing(I know I kept using this word but yea that's the simplest word I could think of to describe how I felt) to see myself grow from someone who used to fear rollercoaster rides to someone who actually thought they are of "no kick" now. Haha.

Oooohh, and I must say this. I finally stepped into a casino!!! Haha. I still remember back when I was 18, I actually tried to sneak into the casino with my uncle. I did not even bother to hide behind his back. Just walking casually with him when the security guard stopped me and asked me my age. I said 18, NONCHALANTLY. Lol. Like some kind of customer sovereignty. But alas, I couldn't enter. This time round, I stepped in there NONCHALANTLY as well. A security guard stopped me for my I/C. And knowing that I've passed the age limit, I appeared 2X NONCHALANTLY. Lol.

I tried my luck at the jackpot machines and were less amazed when I know that they now operate with the Genting card. You put money into that card to play. Where it used to be the clinking of coins, now you don't hear that sound anymore. Just mere computer melodies if you won a roll or what. Less thrill, but nevertheless, a good time kill.

At dinner, we were sharing jokes and stories. And I was very surprised to hear that my grandpa used to be a hunter. Yea, he had a hunter license. Which was cool. He said stories about hunting for wild animals, and how in the dark their eyes should appear red. He related a story about him nearly killing a man when he saw a pair of red eyes in the jungle. Freaky right?! A man with red eyes?? They were also saying how using the toilet back then could be life threatening as well. That cows, bulls, or even tigers might be just outside the toilet door, back in those kampong days. And he also shared true stories!

The trip was short but fulfilling.

By the way, I think Malaysia is on very high alert for Mas Selamat. Cos everywhere, I saw the words "Selamat Datang!" (Selamat has come!)

Haha.

Yesterday's dreams seemed so far away

I was woken by the ring of my cellphone. I saw the number and immediately recognised it as being one of the recruitment agencies that called me earlier on. This one seemed to cling on me - their deal. I guess they know that I am desperating looking for a job. They can hear my desperation through the phone, no matter how muffled it may sound like.

I replied "Hello" in a hoarse voice, though I tried as much as possible to sound as if I'm already awake. I realise I always do that. No matter who calls me. If I were still sleeping, I would answer the call as if I'm wide awake. I'm so living in my own facade. Yeah I know that.

So there came the news of a new assignment. I was quite ok with the remuneration that I was offered with, though it's nowhere near my ideal. But then, I reminded myself to stop being so picky and just go along and get that assignment. I won't want to wait for the sky to fall and find myself being covered by nothingness. Not even the cotton clouds which would probably diffuse past me. Ok. The lady recruitment consultant was very attentive, very concerned with my needs. And she went about being so polite. "No offense" here, "no offense" there. I want to slam down the phone to show her what offense really meant but decided not to. Cos I need a job. I desperately need a money-inducing machine, a personal ATM. And hence, I agreed to let her forward my resume to the client. Heard it's some independent company dealing with credit, atm, whatever cards. So the job scope is gonna be some admin work and data entry and whatever.

Wow. The usually restless me is actually settling for an office-based job!!! Calls for celebration?

Maybe after walking around for so long, it's really time for me to settle down for a while. To enjoy the air-condition provided in an office. To make free use of the computer and internet. And probably to dig my nose when no one is looking. The thrill of office work.

Just don't tie me to the office seat please. I'm not into BDSM.

Afloat???

Well, recently I have taken tons of photos. Of me chuckling away, grinning so wide as if tomorrow doesn't matter. Of me posing all sort of funny poses and acting like a clown in front of the camera. Of me showing how 'stupid' or 'dumb' I actually can look. I can post all the photos here. But I realise there is no need to. My blog has no space for fake happiness.

The truth is, there is always something at the back of my mind deterring me from achieving the true definition of happiness, of freedom. What comes with happiness you may ask? Well there are indeed many definitions of happiness, but sad to say, I'm probably even struggling with the basics of it. My job-hunting is a flop so far, can't find a suitable job with good income. Maybe I'm too fussy. My character sucks. I know that. Yes, and I DO NOT show how lousy I can be in front of my friends. I show my happy self. I show my gleeful self. I show my 'crazy' self. I show my fun-loving self.

But I haven't been myself.

Give me a bucket and I can fill it up to the brim with tears. I reckon I can do that since I don't cry very easily. So I guess the volume I've saved is good enough to fill up a whole bucket. Oh yes. Have you heard about my spending habits? Oh you have to hear it. It's unbelievable. I haven't been saving since NS. Haha. Yes, I squander away every cent oof my monthly NS pay. And now, I'm struggling in keeping my bank account alive with digits. How wonderful right?

Oh. And I can write a paycheck to myself. $000.00
0 Hundred 00 and cents 0 only. HAHAHA. I so deserved that huh?

Maybe I should try drowning myself to know the importance of what a breath of fresh air truly means.

L is for LOBANG.

Realised I haven't been blogging for a few days. But that should mean that I'm occupied right? So isn't it a good thing? Haha.

Ok here's an update of what I'm doing recently. The job hunting process has finally yielded some results! I'm not going to fully disclose what I'm doing right now cos I still haven't quite decided yet, but I'm already exploring and stepping out already. Well, it has something to do with finance. So guess! Haha.

Anyway, it all came about cos the usual adventurous me decided to go for a try-out for some discussion. And then I called an old friend of mine. My BMT friend to be exact. Then now I'm on my way to doing what I'm about to do. Hopefully, this time round, it could be a satisfying and rewarding journey! :)

Ah, just talking to him the other day about the BMT days.. Very very memorable. Much more memorable than the days, months, a year plus I spent in unit. Amazing. 9 weeks compared to 1 year 8 months. And I still think the 9 weeks' training back in tekong were much more vivid. Ha.

Tuition wise, those 2 kids were getting out of hands. Especially the girl. Arrogant, argumentative, and the worse thing to happen, she cried and cried very loudly last week. And I had to witness all of her wilfulness. Just couldn't bother. I did my part in wanting to tutor her well but she just let me down in a day. But well, things are fine-tuning this week. Except they were still restless. Too restless. I think I need to show more firmness and strictness to evoke the fear in them. Arrghh. Of course, please don't think I'm going to be some torturor-tutor. Lol. Definitely not. I'm already staying as calm and as patient as possible. I think? They just ought to be less dependable! Could you believe I even have to help them pack their bags according to the timetable in preparation for next day's lesson? Ridiculous. They better show me some improvements.

Having said that, that won't deter me from looking for more tuition assignments! Ha! The M factor man. No stopping that. I'm a hungry ORD personnel looking for every possible chance to see my bank account grow.

Any lobang?

Give me a call. Your friendly telephone operator will be there to receive it. =)