Christmas is a season for forgiving.. and it's also a season for GIVING. If there's something I'm still trying to learn, it is the art of giving. Yes. What I meant is buying gifts for your friends, family, or simply your loved ones. I can proudly say I have taken a step forward this year, eradicating the nonchalant side of me, racking my brains for gifts. At least to my loved ones, like my mum on Mother's Day and my Dad on his birthday. Though I didn't really bought anything for my sisters yet.. but we celebrated together, sometimes with cakes we bought ourselves. Yes yes, those who knows me well should know that I'm not very good at buying gifts.(And if ur reading this applie, I know I still owe u ur bday gift!) For me, I'll rather splurge on treating my friends to a good sumptuous meal! That's just me ok.. haha.. to me.. food is like the best option. At least you get to gather together and enjoy a splendid moment together. Though it's only for the moment. But good things are known not to last right? If not, what are memories for?

But still, of course, I'll still try to follow the traditional way now. And I'm learning. Please be patient my friends. :)

As for now, MERRY CHRISMTAS TO ONE AND ALL!!!

And to my beloved friends, thanks for always being there!

P.S. To hengmui and trio, I shall bring u all to Hark Music Cafe one day, bet you will love it. My treat! =D

A shooting star I saw last week during outfield exercise inspired this "lazy sketch". It was probably the first ever time I witnessed a shooting star! And it dropped just probably 20 metres away from me! It was a white glow of blinding light.. so fast yet so gorgeous. The wonders of nature..

And I made a wish..

I wish..

I wish..

And I couldn't reveal my wish.

Only the shooting star knows it. Wahahaha. :)

I have known her for nearly 3 months. I have met her for 8 times till now, be it just a short meeting or a date out. But I'm still counting my feelings for her. I prefer to move up the ladder one step at a time.

Stranger --> Aquaintance --> Friend --> ?

We're now on stage 3.

This sounds like some "puppy-love" crap. *Laughing my head off*
Anyway I have never been in a r/s before. So don't you laugh!

Ok whatever. I need a crash course on infatuations, on BGR.

On another note, I still enjoy being single. I don't want my right of ogling to be taken away! HAHAHA!

Yesterday Once More

These few recent book outs, I realise I am descending into the pit of loneliness. It's like I was wandering on the streets alone. Wandering aimlessly. It's not that I don't have friends to turn to. It's that I don't have friends who are readily there to turn to. It's like after enlisting in NS, you find that social life has become quite a struggle.

The struggle to keep relationships alive, the struggle to keep friendships intact.

Do you realise how hard it is? And that's why I say entering NS is a challenge. It serves as a challenge not internally, but externally as well. It eats into your precious time such that you have little time to enrich your social life. But still, I gotta be thankful for this challenge. If not for that, I won't be able to understand and cherish the importance of my friends. Distance, indeed, makes the heart grow fonder.

I drove back to my old childhood residence yesterday at Jurong East late at night. And I just can't believe things have changed so much there. All the renovations have eradicated the traces of my childhood hangouts. But the memories are etched on my mind forever. The smell still vivid. Travelling back there is almost like re-living your past. Your wonderful, beautiful childhood past. A kind of past which I am really really proud of. It is so fulfilling. Without my childhood, I won't possibly have met my best friend of 18+ years. Without my childhood, I won't possibly know how it is like to be young again.

As a child, I was crazy, adventurous, daring, unrealistic. Heights don't scare me. Excitment always kept me going. I had wonderful moments. Wonderful experiences. You know, the one thing about being a child is you don't realise what danger is, hence there is no fear. You are so utterly confident of yourself that you dare to do stunts that may be dangerous. But you did not think of the word "danger". It has never occurred your mind. What you wanted was excitement, accomplishment. And satisfaction is what a child always wanted!

Sometimes, too much knowledge of the outside world kills creativity. That explains why not many people would venture into entrepreneurship. Not many people dare to risk walking on untreaded paths.

Since this year is coming to an end, I have come up with my resolution for next year, subjective to changes though.

"Go back to my roots."

Yes, I am going to live like a child again. Let me be crazy, adventurous, daring, unrealistic once more.

Detachment

Hello. I'm back. Again. For don't know how many countless times, I am back from camp. Each week, I haven't written in detail all the loads of training I went through. Each week, I haven't described how much soil I have stepped on, how much mud had stained my uniform, how much perspiration I have shed. And it's all because it has been such a routine that it has drilled into me. So much so I have started to become numb. I am proud to say that since the day I enlisted in NS, I have NEVER once reported sick. I have NEVER once opted for a medical status. Yes of course, I have fallen ill sometimes, with flu and all that. But there is one word I always abide to. And that is ENDURANCE. And my principle is easy.

Do your best, live your best. Prove it to no one, but yourself.

Since this year is coming to an end soon, I guess I have some sorta fulfilled my resolution for the year, which is "To become a better man". Army changes lives. It has changed mine so far. I may not have been successful enough as to go as far as to be a sergeant or an officer. But as I said, I only want to prove to myself, that I can improve. And I guess I did. I have endured hardship so far and am ready for more to come. I have seen results in my physical fitness. I have made friends whom I call brothers.

This week, I have seen new specialists coming into our unit. And there were familiar faces. They were my long lost BMT mates! Man, I really miss them so much! Looking at them brought along a fresh spring of memories. Memories so vivid I can hardly unsubscribe to. Memories so vivid that just thinking of them can make a fresh spring of tears well up in my eyes. It is almost impossible to imagine that merely 9 weeks of getting together can forge a strong bond that could never be broken. Though they are now 3rd sergeants, I feel obliged to still treat them as my very close BMT pals. If you ask I feel inferior in any bit, yes, I admit I did. But if there is something I have learnt so far from my lessons, it is, do not compare.

At least, I am trying my very best to fulfil my own endeavours.

It is really good to see them man. Alright, we have a long weekend due to our leave on Friday. I must really make full use of my time man.

Why Do Birds Suddenly Appear - Reflections on the movie "Happy Feet"

Before I begin, I want to say that I watched two animations in a row today. Open Season and Happy Feet respectively. Open Season is just another just-for-laugh mediocre animation and I slept like half of the movie's duration. Happy Feet, on the other hand, was not a happy film as the movie title itself literally described. It was sad, tragic and depressing. Somehow, I was awake throughout the entire movie. It's like having insomnia when you are under depression. Sadness prevents you from sleeping.

Happy Feet, on a commercialized level, is another cutesy animation with penguins all around and a wonderful entertaining plot. On a deeper level, it is actually a masked satire of the society. Mumble represents the lot of idiosyncratic personnels in the society where their talents are not recognized and instead deemed as abnormality. It is a big cry out and a slash across the face of the apathetic society, though in a subtle manner. And if you notice, the movie is actually like a modern "Ugly Duckling" tale. The protagonist yearns for acceptance. Even a classic children fable like "Ugly Duckling" holds a deep meaning. Happy Feet is actually reminiscent of the movie Artificial Intelligence - one of my all time favourite movie. Near the end of the movie, Mumble the Happy Feet actually ventured on a nearly impossible quest to prove his right. Just like David the boy robot in Artificial Intelligence. Both yearns for acceptance. For rejuvenation. For revival. For a life.

The Carpenters had a song entitled "Close To You". The start of the song actually begins with "Why do birds suddenly appear?" It is a rather provocative question. You always hear birds chirp early in the morning announcing the arrival of broad daylights. And they go to hide at night. Although in Tekong I have heard the loud chirpings of birds late at night and midnight. It's no longer a dog-eat-dog world. The world has probably evolved into a bird-shoot-bird world. If only humans possess the bird's eye view, they would have seen what has the world really become to. How massacres and unintended warfares are destroying the land just like global warming melting the icebergs, destroying the penguins' habitat.

In Happy Feet, humans are actually described as "penguins with no wings and feathers but four weird limps and an ugly faces". And it so happened that most of the penguins did not even believe the existence of aliens - in this case humans, until the very end when they saw for themselves. It is like they are living in their own utopia, and they thought they were probably the only species on Earth alongside other arctic creatures. What a mockery!

The thing is, humans are very much like birds. We are like birds without feathers, and we yearn to fly before we even learn how to crawl. Greed is one of the 7 unescapable sins that humans possess. And unfortunately, Greed is probably the main mastermind that causes Grief.

In music, we have heard Westlife's "Flying Without Wings", the classic hit "On the Wings of Love" as well as the recent Singapore Idol Hady Mirza's "You Give Me Wings". Oh yes, we need wings to fly. And we need to fly high high high, maybe SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW, WAY UP HIGH...

And one more thing. Penguins are black and white in colour. Extraordinary-ordinary colours.

One last thing, Bird Flu is on high alert.

So, free the birds.

I had my first lesson at Play By Ear music school today!!! In case you have no idea of what I am talking about, I'm learning pop and jazz piano improvisations now. Yea, I thought it is high time I put my piano skills onto higher level. I am totally impressed by my instructor, an Indonesian-Eurasian mix who is simply so well versed with his piano skills. For my very first piece, I chose "Somewhere Over The Rainbow". It was simply amazing the way he described music playing. Improvisation is like adding colours to an otherwise dull outline. All along I have wanted badly to learn the real techniques of improvisation since classical lessons are just read-from-the-score-playing. If you only play classical, you are a player. If you know how to improvise pop or other contemporary form of music and weave it into your own variations using your creativity, you are then considered a true blue musician. How true can that be man! Yeah, hopefully I can master all the skills at the shortest possible time!

Anyway, after that, decided to call Joel, my BMT friend to catch up for a while.. And the first thing I saw him, I exclaimed, "You have got hair!!!" Haha. Seriously, I have never seen him with that much hair before. Natural curls some more. Sounds like Goldilocks. Wahaha. Had a little chat at Taka's Ice Coffee Bean before I wandered once again aimlessly on the streets of Orchard.

After that, I took a train back to the west. Then I decided to meet my sisters and my elder sister's boyfriend. We headed down to town together. And my sis' boyfriend drove us down there. In my car. -_-|| We were roaming around Suntec City at first cos my sis needed to work there for a while. Then after that, they actually asked me to drive them to Orchard! Oh goodness. First of all, I have never had enough night driving practices. Secondly, town was just heavily conjested with traffic. Luckily my car respects its owner which is me. Hahaha.


A snapshot of us in the middle of somewhere, somehow.

It has been a long time since I entered NS that I have went shopping with my sisters. Though I prefer to hang out with my friends most of the time, I have got to admit my sisters are noisily entertaining. Haha. And it's just amazing to see how they have grown.

Okok, gotta go for now. Good night to you bloggie. I'll be back soon!

Rhetorical Thoughts

Have you ever wondered why do babies cry when they first get born into this world? Is it a sign of objection that they are being put in a torturous world that they hate but are forced to descend here?

When you rub your eyes to get a clearer view, your eyes get more red the more you rub them. Is it because the clearer you get to view this world, the more your vision is stained with the gory reality of the harshness in this world?

When it rains, is heaven tearing? Is it trying to wash away the blood stains on Mother Earth? If so, it is a neverending task. For rain seems to be a frequent occurrence. On another note, when it snows, is heaven trying to bleach the world into a pure state then?

Why does the rainbow come after the rain? What if it comes before the rain? So, does beauty always come after pain?

The early bird catches the worm. So the early worm gets caught?!

Some "lazy-sketches" I drew which I thought I should revive them for now.

A random poem I wrote last time.. haha.. thought I just put it up. The irony is that this is meant for no one. But someone out there might just fit the bill.

Senseless Lover

Your eyes,
Blinked.
Cold as ice.
It's me,
You can't see.

Your nose,
Twitched.
Jealousy overdose.
My odour,
You can't remember.

Your mouth,
Grinned.
Producer of loathe.
Careless whispers,
Turned verbal blisters.

Your ears,
Cocked.
Not one hears.
My words,
Turned aural absurds.

Your hands,
Moved.
Director of actions.
My texture,
Your failed gesture.

You are,
But,
A senseless lover.

I wrote this story sometime ago.. just thought of putting it up here. Sometimes, a story tells you more.

Tears in Rhythm

Guy Wellington shivered as he brought his knees nearer to his chest, rubbing his arms frequently in a vain attempt to keep himself warm. It was 3 a.m. in the middle of the night and the streets were as cold as the weather seemed to be. An empty can rolled past in front of him as he laid awake on the bench. An occasional gust of wind had scattered fallen leaves and dispersed them everywhere, be it on the sidewalk, or the road. It seemed as if New York City was abandoned. At least, to him, at this part of the city where he was residing, it really seemed so.

Just like how the fallen leaves were being dispersed about by the wind, his mind was already drifting away to memory lane - a pure black and white monochrome slideshow that had been etched in his mind forever, occasionally replaying again and again. He was a well respected man, in fact a very well-liked man in his city. Guy Wellington. Just speaking of that name would trigger off numerous topics and gossips, most of them which were the envy, the jealousy, and the admiration. It was a common sight that girls would drop to their knees whenever he walked past. It would be no surprise that they had probably even created a statue of him in their own homes, worshipping him every now and them, just like a deity. Yes, indeed, he was handsome, rich, or rather, filthy rich. He slogged for years before being able to reach the top in an advertising company. Cash rolled in everyday just like the way tap water would run easily once you turn it on. He married several times, divorced several times, and had probably a dozen children. His last marriage had been a blissful one. He truly loved his last wife more than anything else. It lasted for a little more than one year before it happened. He had invested a lot in the stock market. And he was greedy. He wanted more. In the end, he lost everything. He was declared bankrupt and his wife cheated on him. The thought of that left a smirk on his face as he laughed cynically at his own plight. His bowl had been empty the whole day. What was left was a US$50 note that some lady who had once admired him gave him. He kept it right into his tattered and torn pocket once he received that.

The sky was now velvet dark. Not even a single star could be spotted from his position. But it was clear that raining cats and dogs would only be a matter of time. The wind was now stronger than usual, and the street lamp-posts were already shaking, the lights flickering in the dark. He struggled to sit up with his arms still trembling across his chest. He picked his empty bowl up and staggered across the brick-covered floor, trudging his way to the shelter at the opposite building. He circled an empty spot in the way of a dog's before settling down, embracing his whole body with his arms. It was already drizzling. He remembered how he would always like to listen to the song "Rhythm of The Rain" and hum to it. He remembered how he would dance to that song with his wife, how they would make love after that, and how she would whisper into his ears telling him that she loved him. The sense of assurance was overwhelming. He felt good and blessed to have a wife that he finally could connect to, someone whom he could put his trust totally in. He had given her everything. Branded clothes, bags, jewellery. She had more than she could ever asked for. But why did she do that to him? How could she bring another man home when he wasn't around, make love to that man again and again as if he was non-existent? It was only that day he caught her red-handed that he saw it with his own eyes. He saw her true colours. He wanted his money, not him.

The raindrops grew heavier and heavier, like a fallen string of pearls scattered in a messy order. A flash of lightning streaked across the sky, illuminating his shagged face. Tears were already streaming down his cheeks, camouflauged by the fallen raindrops. He heaved in pain as he coughed hard, choked in his own emotions. It was without warning when he was suddenly confronted by a black hooligan out of nowhere. A knife was pointing at Guy's throat as he was threatened to hand out his money. He laughed out loudly at the sight of it before strokes of steel metal began to weave in and out of his chest. He felt an excruciating pain as the robber snatched away that note he had. Red liquid was flowing profusely out of his body, quickly diluted by the rainwater. At the far side of the city, he could already see the pale hues of orange in the sky as he laid lifelessly on the blood-soaked ground with a tear flowing down his cheek. The last thing on his mind was the song,

"Oh listen to the rhythm of the falling rain..."

Raindrops Falling On My Head

I'm back. For now.

Pitter patter.

And if you think I'm going to go blah blah blah about what went on for the week, yes you are right, I am indeed going to do that! HAHAHA. But don't worry, I will try to keep it as concise as possible ok? Let me contradict myself here. I am gonna abuse this free blogging space instead! HAHAHA. Ok. Don't worry, I'm still sane. For now.

The rain is a depressant.
The raindrops are its descendants.

Pitter patter.

If you are some foreigner in some country reading this blog(which I probably think there aren't any), just a little factual information you need to know about Singapore right now. It is rainy season. Oh yes yes yes! As much as I love the rain, I hated it sometimes, especially during outfield exercises. Like what happened this week. We were going through some tough times trying to action-front our guns when suddenly it just poured cats and dogs without warning. I mean, it did warn us but we had to carry on our tasks. So anyway, I was happily standing there with my both arms trying to lift the camouflauge nets in place while waiting for the fucking tonner driver to drive his way to our deployment ground. Damn, it was damn heavy. And the driver took what seemed like hours to drive over. And when he finally did drive over, we were drenched from head to hair to toe to toenail. HOW DARE HE!!! Fucking sleeping in the tonner and when it rained so heavily he fucking take his own sweet time to steer the vehicle over. So anyway, all of a sudden, we(me and my mates) turned into cold and hungry creatures. But we kinda enjoyed the fun we had with all the water and all that. Haha, in the end, you could probably see a bunch of half naked guys dancing around in the tonner while it rained. But we were definitely not doing the rain dance of course!

You see, though the rain could be depressing at times, I have this insane unexplainable love for it. When it rains, I am in the mood for poetry. But when I'm in the mood for poetry, I have no time for poetry. Since it is a fact that Singapore is a all-year-round summer island(for you foreigners again), I could only see the rain as snow. Rain=cold=Snow. And sometimes when it rained in camp, I like to belt out the classic Chinese song by Fan Xiao Hsuan, entitled "Xue Ren". Cos to me, the rain drops are like snow flakes.

Ok, please, just let me deceive myself for once. It is already quite sad to be trapped in a guys-only-ladies-maybe environment.

So much on the talk about the rain, here's a poem I wrote quite some time ago. And yes, if you could have guessed, it is about the rain. And it is a rather simple one. I just had enough of the silly "Rain rain go away..."

Rainy Day

It is pouring outside now,
The dogs downstairs have stopped to howl.
I could only hear the rhythm of the rain,
As slowly the distance becomes faint.

It is afternoon yet the sky is dark,
It is the time the dogs usually bark.
All living things are initimidated by the rain,
People rushing for shelters and animals hide in vain.

Yet to me the rain is soothing,
The breeze it carries with is so cooling.
It often lulls people into sleep,
As it drives away the afternoon heat.

The trees sway to the rhythm of the wind,
The aroma embraces the surrounding.
Such is the true splendour of the rain,
The beauty of nature's very own grain.


Pitter Patter.

Hush.

Peek beyond the veil

After graduating from college, I realise that my perspective on things changed quite a bit. Somehow I think my mind is a wonderland. It often thinks beyond the box. Crazy things. Unrealistic things. I guess I was never an academical guy. That probably explains why I flunged my A levels. So, if you put me in a practical society like Singapore, you could say I'm an impractical person.

Serving in the army makes my thoughts run even wilder than before, since it gives me ample of time to reflect, think and generate ideas.

Sometimes, when I do go outfield, I would especially appreciate the night time like never before. The mating of crickets, the croaks of frogs, the hooting of ominous night creatures in the distance. Sounds you have never really took notice of before. And when streaks of lightning flash across the velvet black sky, I wonder if heaven is trying to take a photograph of the world. The momentary illuminations of the land seem like an awakening to us, as if it means to put the reality of life to clear view. Flash. We, humans, and our land become the masterpiece. Beyond the hideous dark areas, the harshness of reality is revealed. Even if it is just for the moment.

Flash.

Recently while on an outfield exercise at night, my friends and I saw a firefly. One and only firefly to be found in the entire field. They say you hardly get to see any fireflies in Singapore, unlike Tekong. Anyway, the glowing of the firefly is amazingly beautiful. It seems to bring along a glimmer of hope in the otherwise grimmer piece of land. Sometimes, the firefly deserves to be admired. By showing off its light, it is not afraid of attracting predators. It should probably know that it will be spotted easily. So why is it so foolish to let itself glow? How amazing creatures of nature can be! And how selfless it can be! On the other hand, we did an experiment to check out how the firefly really looked like without its overwhelming fluorescent glow. My friend trapped it in a small bottle and used a torch to shine at it. And we saw the hideous truth. Behind the veil, it looked just like a miniature cockroach. Nevertheless, its beauty in the night is enough to captivate the entire ground!

If you were to catch a firefly, put it into bed, will you sing it a lullaby? After that, end it with "Good night, sweet dreams, don't let your fellow bed bugs bite"? After all, the firefly needs rest. Beauty is but momentary.

Glow.

Now will you excuse me for a while as I try to figure out what and where is the finer side of life?

Army-related Ramblings(Can't think of a better title)

The word "exercise" is ambiguous. It used to mean just doing sports, stretching here and there, flexing here and there. But now the army gives it a whole new meaning, being to sweat like a pig out in the field infested with blood-thirsty mosquitoes under the scorching hot sun. And to add a SAF-vocabulary-comment to this: BOTEK!

So you can guess what my complaint was about. This week was just plain hectic. Had SOC on Monday. It's been such a long time since my BMT days that I have last done SOC and I guess it's still quite manageable. Through it I gained confidence. It reminded me of my childhood days where I used to be so adventurous climbing around playgrounds, jumping off high platforms and all that. SOC is probably the army "playground". It breeds confidence. But please, not too much of SOC. Here's a top 3 activities ranking in terms of shagged-ness during my BMT life.

1. 24km route march
2. SIT test
3. SOC

On Wednesday and Thursday had outfield exercise in preparation for our Battery Fatep. Honestly I hate to stay overnight outfield. The feeling simply sucks. Imagine wearing your stinky No.4 and pretend you are moon-tanning under you gun's camouflage netting. And you have little time to sleep. And you have to do sentry(guard). And when you are having your meals, the mosquitoes are mealing too(on you).

And the worse thing is there will be 3 or 4 more exercises to go every week from now on. I always believe all these tiredness, all these mental drain is but a process I have to go through. I have friends who have ORD-ed. I wonder how they survived. For now, I think I WILL SURVIVE.

I stumbled upon this personality test link from someone's blog. I did it and here's what I got.

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.
Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.
Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.


Well, I could only say the first 3 points are really quite true. The rest are kinda screwed. Told ya you shouldn't trust personality tests. Cos you know what, they give standard answers. These tests fail to realise something...

Every individual is unique. It's just wrong to stereotype.

MUSIC MANIA!!!

I found a new sin-free alternative to clubbing! It is Hark Music Cafe!! In case you are wondering what I'm talking about, it's this cafe which has a live singing stage! It's located just opposite Paradiz Centre at Dhoby Ghaut area. And it's damn cool. Went there with peng yesterday and it was an incredibly awesome experience. Got to sing on stage with peng together with a 'live' band playing for us! It was such a blast that the audience cheered for us. We were even asked by some audience to perform another duet together. Besides that, I crapped quite a lot on stage with the host and guitarist. Hahaha. You just gotta pardon the drama me sometimes. =X Wah, there were even some big shots singing that night. There were a few finalists from this year's Project Superstar. Got this finalist called Keith. I think he sang so damn well. His duets with his twin brother really made me go wow. So I really do wish to bring any of you to this exciting new place! You heard that applie? We gotta go there some day!!! I bet we could have lotsa fun there man. Move away clubbing. Move away drinkers. Move away smokers. Yea you heard me.

Before that, we actually went for a little music journey. Was exploring and checking out on some music stuff and stumbled across 2 music schools at bugis. There is this school called "Play By Ear" which specialises in pop piano improvisation. It is EXACTLY what I wanted to learn all this while. One of the instructors there demonstrated how to play the song "Tong Hua" in different variations. There is even the jazz rendition. It was simply mind-blowing. $140 a month for 4 lessons of 45 mins each. Alright man, I think I gonna enrol for the lessons. I mean, I have learnt Classical music all these years. Classical music playing only makes you a player because you are trained to read notes and play by reading the scores. On the other hand, pop piano playing improvisation requires you to listen and tap on your creativity to come up with different chords while playing the same melody. Hence, it is a higher level. And I believe that makes a true musician. Damn it, I should have ventured into this earlier. If only! Ha! But it's not too late either! I'm not gonna let my pathetic NS life rot away. Gonna put it to full swing.

Upcoming highlight(s)...


TalentQuest '07

Wahahahahahhahahaa...

I'm back!!! Woohoo! After a 5-day boring, mundane, unexciting Operator's Maintenance course back in camp, I'm back finally with an exciting weekend to fulfil! I hope?

Anyway, just watched the movie "Step Up" right after my book out today. All I can say is WOW! Fantastically WOW! Marvellously WOW! Orgasmically WOW! It was probably the best movie I watched this year, apart from RENT. The whole movie with its dance thingy was simply mind-blowing, eye-catching, ear-hooking! Damn! Though I'm neither a trainee nor a professional in the dance field, I totally enjoy this hip flick man. Cos you know what, it is so groovy and hyped up with all the cool music. And I thought I hated hip hop. Until I see the power fusion of hip hop with contemporary dance. Power bunga!! I'll rate it a 4.5 stars out of 5. The 0.5 star is lack of because I wish I could dance that well. So, damn! Lol.

Well well well, what an inspiring movie. I could still vaguely remember how I used to enrol in such Arts classes when I was a little boy. I went for piano lessons, drawing, acting, dancing... you name it. Thinking back, I guess I had quite a wide exposure. But the sad thing is, I know a bit of this and that but I don't really specialise in any. A jack of all traits but a master of none. Sad huh! It's sad, so sad, it's a sad sad situation! If I have the time, I would really really want to brush up on whatever I've learnt. And add on to the list. Though it's hard to imagine me dancing, I would love to see if I could put it off.

So let's see, here's a rough idea of what I wanna accomplish.

Song-writing
Keyboard-playing
Guitar-playing
Acting
Dancing

I need to get out of the army soon! And get a life!

All of a sudden, I feel like doing guilt-less silly things...

I feel like...

Dancing around in my room and pretend I'm in a club or pretend I'm some "So You Think You Can Dance" wannabe.

Walking down the streets with baggy jeans, messed up hair, thick-framed nerdy glasses and shouting in the ear of some unlucky passer-by, "GET A LIFE!"

Looking out my window and wave to any passer-by I see and smile.(I have done that on a bus before)

Sitting down in the comfort of my sofa and pretend I'm in some posh theatre watching some tear-jerker before flunging the whole box of popcorn onto the screen.

Lying on my bed and pretend I'm floating in the middle of the ocean. I can then start to swim some freestyle.

Calling everyone on my hp's contact list just to say 'hi'. And then hang up right away.

Taking part in my self-trialthlon. Run, swim, cycle. Then massage my aching body in the end.

Belting out loud any song that comes to my mind whether I'm showering or shitting.

Taking a photo of me kissing the reflection in my mirror. And it has to be in monochrome.

Writing a novel of my own. A fairytale with a tragic ending.

But...................................

I don't have time for all these. Cos you know what?
I'm serving in the fucking army.

An overview of what happened during this week in camp...

Monday: ADT training(simulation of live firing using machines)

Tuesday: Detachment Proficiency Test
Whole day outfield. Chiong chiong and chiong! We deployed our gun in barely 9 minutes plus! We impressed the tester! One of our best timings! =D

Wednesday: Detachment Proficiency Test day 2 (ADT day+night)
We as the men of our detachment, I believe, did our best!

Thursday: PMCS(Wash gun)
One of my most hated activity!! >.<

Friday: Results of Prof test announced, live run, book out...
Results announced.. My detachment did not get top 3.. but the whole Alpha got in top 10, or rather top 8 out of 18 guns! Our detachment 5 also won top gun! I was proud and disappointed. But contented.

Conclusion: Busy week!

I need moolah! If only I can transfer all my neopoints to real money. AHAHAHHAHAAHAHAA. Oh well, pay day, you better come soon!!! Arrghh!

Man.. just came back from my 3 days stay in camp, inclusive of 2 days tedious nerve-breaking outfield training. The 2nd day outfield was one of the most shagged training sessions every since I came to 20SA. At the midst of our training it was pouring cats and dogs. So we had to seek shelter by hiding inside the tonner. After the rain stopped, guess what? It was my detachment's turn to ACTION-FRONT the gun. And if you think I'm talking about a small pistol gun, I'm not. I'm talking about the Field Howitzer 88. It's probably the size of a large lorry, except it's much bulkier.

And so, all thanks to the rain, the gun's camouflage net was all wet that it seemed to put on weight. While I was lifting it up together with the other guy and walking up the slippery trail leg, I thought I was doing a nice balancing act. And I could really feel the pain on my arms. We were racing against time, especially since the other detachments before us had performed tremendously well. We were feeling the stress, especially in front of the rest of my battery mates as well as our CO who had gracefully came over to "check us out". Wow thanks. And the next thing I know, I screwed things up. When we were almost done with the netting, my sleeve's button got entangled with the net. I tried all way to get it unentangled but to no avail. Even my sergeant was there to help but it was just too tight. And so, just picture a man dressed in the No.4 uniform with a helmet, kneeling down on top of the trail legs, with one arm "attached" to the net above. It was so comical!!! And embarrassing as well. It took us like 2 minutes before my very fit mate decided to just tear it off. Hence I lost a button. And we lost to the rest of the detachments in terms of timing, though we still passed overall. Damn! Could really feel the pinch man. Next week is our detachment proficiency test where we will be evaluated by other senior officers. Hopefully all these trainings these few weeks can pay off. And hopefully nothing "cork" up.

So anyway, although I was only in camp for 3 days this week, it felt rather long, probably because 2 days were spent outfield. Oh well, so after booking out today, I drove over to Jurong Point to look for Qianhui cos she wanted to accompany me for dinner. I was looking for the multi-storey carpark she was referring to when I came upon one which gave me a shock. It had a circular slope leading to the other storey, and I have NEVER been to one like that. I mean, seriously, being a school candidate in my driving school last time, we were never trained in outdoor public situations like such! And after a little freak accident 2 months or so ago, I was a bit nervous. In the end I managed to conquer the new challenge. But I decided to leave that carpark and go for another simpler one. HAHAHAHAHA. But the challenge never ceased. I decided to send Qianhui home after dinner, and her place was somewhere near trio's house. There were so many cars parked alongside those terrace houses. I had to really steer carefully past each one. Wow.. considering the fact that I have never took a night lesson while learning before, and it was one of the first few times I was driving at night, it was pretty something. Lol, but luckily I managed to send her back safe and sound. Guess driving is all about experience. I have to use my book out time to perfect on my skills even though the time is so minimal.

Pardon me for this verbosity. Weekends always seem to pass by fast, which is rather sad. I hope to make full use out of this one!

There is something you might notice. I rarely blog about my army life. The fucking truth is, I hate talking about the army life. Yes, call me an anti-realism freak if you want. I prefer to be a dreamer. Army life can be spontaneous, exciting, engaging.. you name it. It's the thrill that only the males will fully understand. On the other hand, it can be tough, mundane, lonely.. And once again, only the males will know how this feel.

As a matter of fact, I enjoy perspiring under the hot sun, racing against time and running around the field like a mad man trying to fulfil each mission efficiently. It may sound perverse, but it's just a form of adrenaline that needs to be put into good use. And the good thing is you get free physical training. And not to forget, mentally as well. But if you ask me honestly, it is exhausting, physically taxing.

And staying in camp 5 days out of 7 simply sucks.

But I have to admit that time is passing at such a crazy rate that it is really scary. Was talking to Daniel on the phone just now. Seems like my old batch of friends are going to ORD soon. And myself? Another 1 year 4 months to go? Looking back, if I haven't repeated my first year, I might be joining them as well. Regrets? Yes of course. But I just gotta face reality for the sake that every male has to go through this phase.

My future remains a mystery. I'm the author of this mystery book. I hope to turn it into a fairytale.

Booking in soon.. 2 days consecutive outfield this time. I shall strive on no matter what!

I would like to blog a bit about yesterday first. I edited the last post and thought it was rather stupid. Anyway, I did meet up with her yesterday, if you know who I'm talking about. It wasn't a really good day cos I caught a flu and was sneezing the whole day so much so that she had to offer me her 2 packets of tissue. It was such an embarrassament! Especially in front of someone you have just known not long ago. But I appreciated her little gesture. And thought she's a nice girl. BUT...

I'm telling myself this. Keep my options open. Don't go into a relationship for the sake of going into one. Though I have been single all this while, I ain't no despo! If it means to hurt the girl, I will not do that. I will only commit to the one whom I truly love. And I mean that.

She's telling me how her cousin and her good friend who recently got together are on the verge of breaking up just because her cousin thinks there's nothing much to talk about and that he is feeling stress. Hello? How can you hurt a girl just like that? It's irresponsible act and it's a shame to the male species. If you don't love her enough, how can you even rush things as in go on with her when you just got to know her not long ago! As a fellow male, I despise that.

On another note, the ladies should not stereotype saying "Why are all guys like that?" Yes, good guys are but a few, probably. But then, there still are. Ok I'm not saying I'm one since I have yet to undergo the test. I believe I'm speaking from a neutral point of view.

Blah and blah and blah...

Put that relationship stuff aside, I watched an uber cool movie today! The Departed! What a stylish flick. Damn nice, though it's a clear imitation of Hongkong's Infernal Affairs. Even the plot is reminiscent of the latter. But then, I think the actors are really good. Leonardo Dicaprio is surprisingly well-crafted in his acting on this one. Alright, maybe aside from being too commercialized, he has real value after all. Not bad at all. Watch it if you haven't. Haha. And after watching it I think I gotta catch up on Mario Puzo's Godfather series. I'll start with the books first before opting for the screen versions.

Alright, tomorrow's gonna be another eventful day I hope. Will be hanging out with peng, as usual. Ha.. So let's see.

Haven't been feeling too good recently.. until today! Got to book out on Thursday afternoon. Had battery outing at East Coast Park today. We played captain's ball and "amazing race" where we had to hunt for items and solve puzzles. It was tiring but really fun. Imagine a pool of half-naked guys by the beach chasing after a ball with all the sweat and fury lol. Yea ok don't read too much into it though.

Anyway, today marked a special day too. I got to meet someone new. This nice girl. I think she's really nice to talk to. She's just so natural and true to herself. Now I kinda know what kind of girls I like. She does not have to be drop-dead-gorgeous. She just need to have a cheery personality to keep me attracted. Of course she has to look fairly pleasant. So I got to know her not long ago and we met for the first time today. I was a bit shy in the first place but opened up eventually. Had a great time with her though we did nothing much other than talk and eat and not to forget my crazy idea of buying stuff for each other that cost $6 or below. Yeah, look forward to knowing her more. :)

Here's another phenomenal comment made by 2 people. 2 girls in fact. 1 said I looked like I'm english speaking. Another commented I look like an "ang moh" or mixed blood!!! Lol.. I nearly laughed out really loud. All along I only heard from people that I look like I'm from China/Taiwan/Korea... Now an "ang moh"? Hahaha. Alright, that's NEWS.

Ok, maybe I'm really changing. Maybe it's just optical illusion. Lol.

It was a Sunday.... but.... I did not need to book in! Haha.. only booking in tomorrow night. My Saturday morning was burnt cos of the rifle range, so they compensated us with a Monday off!

Met up with ron and ah neh today at je area. I actually drove my Corolla ALTIS for the first time! I was so excited when my mum told me over the phone while I was in camp that my new car was here. Woooohoooo.. But of course, I'm sharing it with my elder sis since I won't be using it on weekdays. Here's a cool pic I took of it.. heh.

So anyway, we had a brief teh-o session at this new kaya roti shop at je entertainment centre. Took lots of crazy pics. It was an "emo" good time. HAHAHA.

I like this expression. I don't know what it's called. That's why I like it.

Don't mess with us yo.

Pose for the camera guys. Ok aaron, best pose goes to u here.

We do unglorifying things sometimes. And do we look like we care? Heh.

After meeting up with them, I went to my cousin's wedding dinner at Amara Hotel with my family. Oh my, I just have to say they are such a pretty couple. The bride is absolutely gorgeous. My cousin's in luck man. And both are only 25 years old. Only 5 years older than me. I just got mesmerised by their whole honey-sweet-lovey-dovey thing going on between them. And the video of how they met and stuff really was some mushy stuff. Can you believe it? They only got to know each other like last year? And they got married today! Man.. this is what I call fate. Seriously I got so inspired by my cousin. Hopefully one day... Hahaha.. Ok I shall not go on any further.

Some pics taken at the dinner..

The lovely couple.

My family and I.. elder sis not around though.

And I just had to show what a perfect couple my mum and dad is.. aww.. =D

Alright, so many pics to tell so many words, I guess it's been a meaningful day. Especially attending a wedding dinner of a close relative. Wow man.. my cousin has become my role model. It's a dream of every man's come true.

Now I'm hyped up. Heh. =D

Male, 20, got drunk. For the first time.

Err, not entirely drunk. Probably semi-drunk. *Laughs my head off* Yeah, after like 6 days in camp inclusive of 2 days of intensive rifle range shooting, I decided to go clubbing with one of my BMT mates Yaofeng. We went to this club called Double O which I never went to before. It was not my idea actually but I thought I needed to spice up my life a bit especially after a strenuous week. We reached there around 9 plus and we ordered 2 jugs. Lime vodka and burman coke(if this is how it's spelled). This was the first ever time I drank one whole jug. And it was crazy. After that Feng wanted to order 6 shots of tequila. He urged me to try and I had 2 shots of it. The next thing I knew, I was beginning to walk sideways. LOL. Alright, maybe not that exaggerating. But I could really feel the effect man. Anyway, all "thanks" to him. This was the first time I drank so much. Also, due to the fact that I only slept like 4 hours the night before and I had shooting the whole morning, I was already tired. The booze just made it worse. While I was still conscious and able to differentiate what's what, I decided to head home first. So I left around 12 plus. And I didn't even get to dance! Man, I was just so tired. I fell asleep in the cab for the whole journey home.

Took some pics. Will upload it later.

And don't worry, I ain't no party animal. I know myself too well to say that. Hah. It's just a once-in-a-while thing.

On another note, after hearing some stories from trio, I think materialistic girls are turn-offs. Know your roots. Get a life.

Peace.

Alright.. a week has whizzed past just like that. It is my precious block leave week! Oh yeah, if you ask me if I had fun throughout these days, I'm pretty sure I had, though it is never enough! I met up with old mates and hung out with my usual 'gang'. And I went partyworld with peng, applie and her sis today! It's been such a looooong time since I last stepped into ktv. Alright, not that long anyway, but still... Haha. Had a rolicking good time man.

Ok we had a great laugh after we took this pic. It's just, seriously deutschbag!!!!!!! XD

Ok man, at least I can get a bit 'crazy' during my bookouts. Let me be! Wahahaha.

Well, so what's up for next week? There'll be a rifle range! Oh man, hopefully can get marksman so can get an extra $200. Now that's free money, but not necessarily easy. So we shall see about it. Heh. Seriously, weekends are just too limited for me to catch up with friends man. And it's really hard to accomodate to each and everyone. Well, rest assured, I'll definitely find means to catch up with you guys ya!

Right now, it's high time I need to plan something for my subsequent weekends and bookouts. I can't be always doing the usual routine of hanging around in town and splurging away my hard-earned puny allowance. Right now I'm almost broke man. Can't wait for the next pay day, which is soon! Anyway, I have to make full use of my army period. Army is already a waste of time, so I can't let my weekends go to waste too. I'll probably get in touch with some new courses. I'm totally eager to step up with my musical skills, just that I'm still sourcing for good courses around. Oh yea, and I need to plan what to do after army. Oh man.. seriously I need to do something about my life!!! It's like I really feel lost in a crossroad. I need some directions man..

On another note, Happy Children's Day! Especially to the child that's always within me. :)

The Lazy Guy's Guide to a Simple Yet Delicious Meal

Aloha! Before I begin, may I say that I'm feeling all so satisfied and full! Haha. Alright, today's entry gonna be a little bit different. Cos, it's the first ever time that I'm going mention my secret recipe! Well, not really like as if it's some ancient-time-passed-down secret. But still, this is targeted at guys who have probably not much(or not at all) culinery skills like me. If you had enough of maggie mee, why not try something different? Oh yes. Here are 2 simple sandwich meals that any tom dick and harry can whip up in a matter of minutes!

#1: Cheesy Spicy Ham-let
Oooh.. a bit of "Shakespeare", a bit of flavour! This sandwich is SUPER easy to make.

What you need:
Slices of white bread(or wheat, up to you)
Ham(honey baked or whatever, your choice)
Sinsin chilli with garlic sauce
Cheese slices

All you need to do is to soak probably a piece of ham in a bowl of hot water for about 2 mins since they should be already cooked! After that, lay it on a slice of bread, and put a slice of cheese on top of it. Then spread some chilli sauce on top. Cover the top with another piece of bread and you are done!!! Of course, you can always build a multi-storey sandwich. Just repeat the same steps and place them on top of the first set. If you desire, you might want to add some lettuce and tomatoes for a balanced diet.

My rating: 4/5 stars!


#2: Soma-Yo(I just had this awesome meal!)
Oh yeah... soma soma.. get intoxicated by this simple yet delicious sandwich!

What you need:
Slices of bread
2 Potatoes(small or big)
Mayonnaise
2 Eggs

This should provide you with 2 servings!
Boil the eggs and potatoes together with a pot of water just enough to submerge them for about 30 minutes. Meanwhile, you can do whatever you want. Flip a magazine or watch your favourite Disney Channel animation. After 30 minutes, walk with extra glee to the pot of "gold". Pour away the boiled water. Let its "inhabitants" cool for a while. Then simply peel off the eggs and potato. Shells and skins respectively. Lol. Put them all in a bowl. Pour in some mayonnaise. And you do the smashing! After that, just add the "mess" on a slice of bread and cover it with another piece of bread. Alakazam! Another wonderfully simple meal/snack created!

Well, I find this a cheap alternative to my Billy Bomber's craving. Look, you have the eggs and potatoes here which are rich in protein and carbohydrates respectively! Both are important for muscle-building and growth. And that really saves you a lot of money! Ultimately, making a sandwich is up to your own creativity. Add some slices of cheese, sprinkle some onions here and there... Do whatever you like with it. Of course, do make it palatable, at least.

My rating: 4.5/5 stars!


Hehe.. talking about all these food stuff makes me so excited. It kinda ignited my passion for cooking. Perhaps I should really go learn how to whip up some sumptuous meal during my free time huh?

So guys out there. Now you know how to satisfy yourself. Err.. in a politically correct manner, of course.

Ok, this is gonna be a long entry. Bear with me.

Today, I went out alone! Woooohooo!! I remember that the last time that I probably went out alone to town, I watched a movie where I met this weird Caucasian who stood up at the start of the movie and pointed hysterically at me, saying that he was leaving the theatre because of me. That was simply simply hilarious and stupid. I think the white ought to reflect on himself. What a weirdo. Lol, but it's ok. Weird things happen in this weird world. Hence the abbreviation WWW. Lmao.

Anyway, nothing unusual happened today besides the fact that I saw a man in the mrt with a headphone on. The headphone was dazzling with a light blue light in the form of a circular border. I just thought that it might explode sometime. Cos the flickering of the light seemed like the ticking of a bomb. Hahaha. But still.. blame it on technology. The bombardment of fanciful gadgets are a means of convenience, but it's taking away the purity of human communications! Where are all the snail-mails with pen-inked writings on scented papers? I missed writing to my old penpal from Korea last time. She was so cute. She even mailed me a Hello-Kitty crayon set on Christmas. Seriously. The good old kampong days were long gone. We are invaded by robots. And we are turning into them soon. Somebody, save us. On another note, we are all gonna die anyway. Why bother?

And even all these typing makes my fingers feel exhausted.

*Clears throat* Sorry for being carried away. Ok, back to how I spent my day today. I realised I really missed the taste of Tangy Tomato with Basil soup, though I just had it yesterday. So I went down to Raffles City The Soup Spoon restaurant and ordered a "grande" bowl of that, plus a tuna mayo sandwich. That eased my craving, a little. I simply can't have enough of tomatoes, and its variety! (Although there was this horror movie about tomatoes that go around killing people, which was rather lame).

Okok, so after that I headed down to Orchard and did a little shopping. Usually, when I shop, for clothings for example, I don't usually flip through them like how one plays a harp. I scan through quick and if something caught my eye, I will then start to strum on the harp. LOL. But yea, Singapore is like desperately trying to turn into a cosmopolitan country. For that effort, let's give a round of applause man. But then, GOOD TRY. It's a pity we are always following trends and not starting our own! Blame it on our puny-ness. But still, the people nowadays are especially conscious about their lifestyle. They slog their asses off and they splurge on branded labels. Talking about a vicious cycle. What a vicious way to spend your moolah!

Oh man, spare a thought for those in army like poor me.. $450 a month to survive on what...? I slog my ass off to defend the country. And all I get is puny allowance, torn relationships, strandedness, alienation... Not to mention pimple plantation! >.<

Talks to self: Stop whining you ass!

*Returns to calm composure*And besides that, I browsed for books. Haven't been really reading until I came to army. Sometimes it just gets so boring I just need to read man. And I have been reading quite a bit. I have completed 4 novels so far, considering the fact that I've been busy with all those mind-boggling-body-shaking trainings. But then, the books I have read are good reads man. Yup, I'm into literature fiction nowadays. And I'm really loving it. Here are a few recommendations by yours truly.

Everything is Illuminated by Johnathan Safran Foer.
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Johnathan Safran Foer.
The Society of Others by William Nicholson.
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon.

I shall not mention anything on their sypnosies. For those of you who know me and think you trust my taste, go read these books. Thank me later ya.

Alright, I better end this long entry here.

And for those who needs a chill pill or a laughing pill, either way, look for Miss Swan. You can see her on Youtube.com All you need to do is search for her. She will brighten up your day.

And for now, I thank you for your attention.

You know sometimes I think I'm mad.. lol. At one point of time I can be all so melancholic and moody, at another point of time, I'm jovial and happy-go-lucky. Oh man.. what's happening?! Looking back at my previous entry, I think I might just laugh it off. Haha. But that's to say there's really many different sides to me. Good and bad. But don't worry, I try to get over bad stuff real soon. It is just not worth brooding over spilled water right?

Had a meet up with Victor yesterday at town. Wah.. really missed hanging out with him. It's been such a long time since we both hung out together. Just the two of us. Oh, the old secondary school days. The nostalgia of it all. I still remember how close we were. But it's sad now. As he mentioned, there are always 5 levels to a friendship. You start from a stranger to an acquaintance, then to a friend, then a good friend, and finally a best friend. We used to be best friends. But as I mentioned before, things were not what they used to be. We have obviously drifted apart, after so many things have happened. And that is made worse by our busy schedules. Both of us acknowledged that. There was even one point of time that I thought we would never stay in contact anymore. But then, viola! The 'crazy' duo is back.(Except I'm not that crazy anymore) Of course, it won't be our usual best friend status anymore. And he claims that it is better this way. No stress on our friendship. Easy come easy go. True in some sense? But still, I thank him for the otherwise beautiful memories. And I believe once a friend comes your path, it is fate. And once a friend, always a friend. =)

Alright, let's see. This block leave I've been going out catching up with my old mates. It's just so important since I must really treasure the free time I have! Haha. And I hit the gym again today, after quite a long time not doing so. Though I consider myself more of a runner. Cos' it's just the freedom of being out, where anywhere can be your gym. Oh yea, and I met up with Simon today. Went bugis for a window-shopping-spree which I brought nothing!(Yay! Well done to myself!) Okok, let's see.. and tomorrow I'll be going swimming with Simon! Oooh... and Saturday meeting up with Peng and peeps.. let's see let's see.

Try rolling the dice?

Dwindling

I feel like shit now. After neglecting his msgs or calls, my best friend, who is now under 3 weeks confinement in OCS, just sent me a sms saying how important I am to him. Upon reading the message, I felt really touched but at the same time angry with myself. Ron, I'm so sorry for the neglection or the lack of replies. I know right now you are entering a crucial period and you really need support. Sorry that I'm not there. It's just I don't know what to say anymore. I myself am confused of who I am and what I am doing. I just want you to know that all these 18+ years of friendship mean a whole lot to me.

I'm sorry, but I feel like a bastard right now. As my dad rightfully pointed out, I'm a self-centered person who cares about my own feelings. As ron said, I act according to my mood, and agreements or promises can even be broken if I don't feel right. One more thing about me, I'm easily paranoid. I am skeptical about life, or should I say more about myself. I'm someone who's not very confident when it comes to dealing with life. All you see of me is a facade. So don't trust on that.

Right now, I really feel empty and lost. What my future beholds, I do not know. In fact I must say I feel scared. I'm scared of the uncertainties that loom ahead. My studies screwed up and life now is all hinged on army. Though I'm already learning new things to better myself, I still feel incomplete, like missing jigsaw puzzles in my life.

As a son, I feel like a useless nobody. I do not mean to disappoint my parents.
As a brother, I feel I have not done enough to protect my siblings, or to aid them when they need my help.
As a friend, I'm worse.

This is a warning. If possible, don't try to know me. I don't want anyone else to get hurt.

Sorry for everything.

On Saturday, applie and me went on down to Timbre pub to support trio for her powerjam band auditions. It's a pity she didn't make it to the semis but I'm already so so proud of her. She did great and I really enjoyed the performance. Hope she doesn't get disheartened for it's a good exposure after all!

Now that I'm having my block leave for this entire week, I feel so lost and empty. It's really funny. When I'm inside camp, I would really look forward to booking out. And now that I'm already out, with all these time ahead of me, I feel like I have nothing to do. I can't go to work and what not. It's infuriating.

Help!

Went back to my secondary school today! BPGHS. All the fond memories came back all at once, mercilessly wanting me to remember all the vivid happenings during my secondary school days. And I do. Met up with weixin and a few of our clique mates. Toured around the school like as if we were tourists. Haha.. There were things that changed and things that remained the same. Sweet old reminiscences. How nice. Honestly, I felt a bit guilty not stepping back since I collected my 'O' level results. I had fond memories of my secondary school days, but not all were vivid to me. However, there were lots of special and extraordinary events that I find it hard to forget. Nevertheless, the feeling, the same old feeling of being back in my old school is UNFORGETTABLE. Got to know that the school is shifting campus. I guess only memories of the good old days will stay with me forever...

The path I used to walk to school. Can you see my footsteps?

School front porch.. The glamour of it all.

Night times just makes its buildings look all so beautiful.

The place I used to spend my recess and lunch times at...

And I'm grateful that those days were the days I got to make true friends.. :)

The nostalgia continues...

This week in camp passed by real fast! Had a 3 days and 2 nights outfield summary exercise which was supposed to wrap up my gunners' course. And phew, I survived it! It was a rather packed experience with all the moving from one deployment ground to another, carrying of heavy stores with the feeling of immense burning and ache in your hands. Oh, and there's a funny incident that occured to me. I was doing my sentry(aka guard duty) at around 2 plus in the morning. I sat atop on the seat of my detachment's artillery gun and just stared blankly in the dark while everyone was asleep. And before I knew it, I dozed off! Suddenly someone came over and tapped on my knees while saying "Good morning" to me. It was my Madm! Lol. It was quite embarrassing to be caught in the act of sleeping, or rather dozing off but I was plain tired alright. And yippee! Got my beret! Passed out as a real gunner on thursday! Looking forward to more slack unit life? Or more exercises to come? Oh man. I'm looking forward to my leaves and off days!!

Oh ya, finally got myself a new monitor from Sim Lim Square. 17 inch LCD for $259. Quite a good deal eh! And I bought a webcam too! Hahaha. Now you can see me online. That is when I'm online. Just ask and I'll show. Haha.

Ok it's a Saturday morning now as I'm typing this entry. I gotta make full use of this bookout before it takes charge of me! Hurrrrrrrrrrr!!!

Here are some of the 'crazy' pics we took last week!

And do you realise something? Applie, you are missing in the picture!

This book-out was definitely one of the most eventful book-outs I ever had.

Friday night, met up with trio. Both feeling down. Met with a little freak accident. Neither felt better. Sorry for the scare trio.

Saturday. Things changed for the better. Opened up. Met up with peng and then trio. Talked more. Aura of relaxation could be felt. The happy days were back. But happy moments were short-lived. :( But still, I am so thankful for the ever-lasting friendship we have. Good to see it still as strong as ever!
And it's funny. Peng and me were walking along Orchard Rd and we got approached twice by modelling agents. They took down our contact numbers. And when I looked at the namecards they gave us, I literally laughed my head off. Other than the job position and address of the companies, there were blanks on both namecards where the 2 agents just conveniently filled them in with their own names....... in pen. That was utter disgrace. It had to be some sleazy agencies again.

Ok, this coming week is gonna be the grand summary exercise before I will pass out as a real gunner. 3 days 2 nights outfield training. If it's out to shag me out, I'm game for it.

Good luck to me. And I'll be back.

I'm back!!!

Been a hectic, physically draining week! And I think I got sunburnt again! But I love the challenges! And the grand finale to sum up this 3 months of gunners' course is next week where there will be a 3 days 2 nights Summary Exercise that involves the whole battalion!

Sometimes I hate the feeling of perspiration, I like the aftermath of it. Feels so man. HAHAHA. Oh yea, did I mention I was given a chance to be I/C for a day. And I guess I really turned heads and changed many people's impression of me. And I couldn't believe I could shout that loud. Even my sergeant major was taken aback. Hahahahaa. Don't undermine the geeky, nerdy me! If there's a need, I will ROAR! Ok la, but now no longer nerd. I'm a soldier now! Aha!

Oh, and forget about the last post. I'm fine now. Sorted things out. If you want to blame, blame it on the other soft side of me. For now, the man is back. Wahahahahahaha. *Shakes this whole entry* =P

I am so confused. It's like the past was creeping back. I don't know what I am doing sometimes. I'm almost going crazy. I am just like a child. I need someone to tell me that I am doing ok. I need assurance, badly.

I hate myself... Why do I seem to give in to urges so easily? Things that are clearly wrong. I know it very well. But why? Why do I still give in? It is almost like things beyond control. It is contradiction against my own morals and values. To this, I really hate myself.

I feel so empty. It's like my world is going around without a cause. Lifeless zombie walking around aimlessly. What am I doing???

Thanks to all my friends who are always there to support me. Sorry if I'm putting a false front all the while. Honestly, deep inside me, I am not happy. I don't want to hide this from all of you. Forgive the selfish, self-centered and arrogant me.

Sorry. Treat this as a flare of the moment. And don't have to worry about me alright. I'll be fine. I hope.

I conquered 21km ARMY HALF MARATHON!!! The longest distance I ever ran! I think I don't know my legs anymore. They kept working and working. I kept torturing them ever since I enlisted for NS. I ran long distances and the number of times are simply uncountable! But I guess my legs served me well(though they hurt pretty badly now). Anyway, what an experience!! Imagine sleeping at 8.30pm and waking up at 2.30am just to get ready for the run at Padang. 10,000 over participants altogether! What a breathtaking event. We were flagged off at around 5.45am. And when I ran it just seemed so never-ending. I looked forward to each sign board telling me how many km I have covered. And the inspirational boards that filled the sides of some roads as we ran... "Those who failed didn't know they were so close to succeeding."

Met up with trio just now. Had dinner with her at Heeren's Billy Bombers, our favourite restaurant! Ahh.. really relishes the old times we had.. Just so happy that our friendship is still as strong! She was telling me about her being insecure and confused of the courses to take. I guess I'm feeling pretty much the same. But I can't do anything now since I'm in army. I can only THINK. And I think think think all day. On days when I'm bored, on nights when I'm lonely.

I need to start planning...

I need to keep my relationships alive...

I need to stay strong.

I need to...

BELIEVE.

Finally, I served my weekend guard duty yesterday! It was maddening. Boring. Dull. I waited and waited and waited.. from 8am till 4pm before my 1st shift started. Since I have chosen to do Sentry, I stood at the guard gate post for 4 hours straight. And after that I waited for another 8 hours before my next shift started at 4am the next day. Luckily there was music playing from the radio there, if not I'll really be bored. Well, my Saturday was burnt! Great. At least, according to my Sergeant Major, those who have served one weekend guard duty won't do another one until "every mother's son has done so". It's funny. I realise those high ranks like to address us as "mother's son".

And it seems like a trend that whenever I'm taking a cab to or fro from camp, the taxi uncle will have things to say about army. And of course lots of questions to ask. Then they will go on and on to tell you their experience in the past and sometimes you just wish they could shut up so you can get some peace. But still, you just get amazed by the fact that, "Oh, this old uncle over here has been through army too." And that applies to every other Singaporean men outside whom you see. Or rather, every mother's son.

These few weeks have been running incessantly. And the distance just seems to get longer and longer. My longest run was 2 days ago which I completed 16km. What an achievement! If only SAF provides free ointment to relieve those muscle and joint aches resulted from all the running. And all these trainings are supposedly to prepare ourselves for the 21km next Sunday. Let's WOAH together shall we? Army Half Marathon... How tough can it be? *Laughs out REALLY loud*

Okok, enough about army stuff. I'm now left with a few more hours before I need to book in back to the f***ed up place again. Oops, I apologise for the profanity, but still, F****!!! It's ok Chao Shun, look at the bright side. Look, you get everything free in army! Free food, free lodgings, free medical coverage, etc... What else more can you want?

And you know what? I just want freedom.

Why must the past still haunt you sometimes?

I'm back.
For a while.
Time now? 8.30pm.
I have only like 2 hours?
And I have to return back to camp.
For?
Guard duty.
Great.
My Saturday's burnt.

I'm plagued,
With confusions.
Choked,
With emotions.

And I'll be back,
Soon.

Went on a shopping spree with peng today! Well, he's not the one spree-ing. As usual, it's a budget-y day for him. As for me, I can't resist the temptation of splurging, especially after just getting my monthly SAF allowance. Ok that's bad i know. But it's just this bit of freedom that urges me forward!

Before I continue, I shall not talk about army stuff in this entry! Enough enough enough of army stuff!

Headed to Bugis today and I must say Bugis Village has lots of nice and cheap stuff! I bought 3 shirts today.. Haha.. and for like the first time in my life, I bought myself singlets. And I kind of like them. It's a breakthrough of course. I guess book-out times are precious that you just gotta know how to pamper yourself! HAHA.

Speaking of that, had another crazy KBOX session with peng. It was just wholly-doolly awesome!

And I just realised I need to do something about myself. It's time to reflect and strive for my passion.

Oh yea, before I end, here's to Peng. DAWG. :P

I have lost count of how many times I have booked in and out of camp, be it in Tekong or my current Yio Chu Kang camp. The feeling of dreadness still remains, though it's a bit diluted now. The thing is I'm numbed by this motion. It's like a weekly affair. And thankfully, the days in camp seem to really whizz past. Been undergoing the gunners' course all this while. If you ask me if it's shagged, I would say there were shagged moments. But the welfare and slackness is omnipresent as well. And the thing about the coarse and hostile environment... Well, at least I already got to know 2 or 3 peeps whom I can openly talk to. Sounds pathetic, but it's good enough for now. One of my bunk mates commented that I'm just like him, can "survive" being alone. It makes sense actually. I'm not being anti-social. I'm just having no appetite for socialisation in camp. Especially when the people there are hard to talk to.

Well, anyway, I have also lost count of how many kilometres I have run since I came to 20SA. It's like every week there will be at least 2 times 7km run.. or worse still 10km run.. Those runs really made my legs feel sore and brittle. With sheer determination, I managed to complete the runs each time. Today we had a 10km run at Bishan Park and the area surrounding it. I love the neighbourhood. It seemed so friendly, with students around, parents with their little kids. Each time while I was outfield, I could still see the HDB flats on the exterior behind the big trees. And seeing all the lights as well as the sounds of the engines of cars whizzing past, it just makes me feel that there is life out there. So it really urges me to look forward to grab and experience the outside life each time. This is why I really cherish my book out times. I realise every minute of it is too precious.

Anyway, back to the run today, I notice something really typical. Whenever we spot a figure of the opposite gender, practically ALL the guys will turn to look. After looking, gasps and comments will always be made. It's funny. Being a guy myself, I totally can understand all those oglings. What I'm appalled is by the level of desperation. And I find it rather amusing. And of course, I never fail to steal a glance at worth-looking figures as well. HAHAHA.

I gotta make my bookout days eventful... Yes I must! Let's see...

For the first time since I entered army, I got to unleash the "wild" side of me. Yesterday was an absolutely adventurous and exciting day. Please don't think of hills and mountains when I mention the word "adventurous". Hahaha. Ok that's crap. Good, I'm back to my crappy self. And that's a good sign! *claps for self*

Early in the morning, went to BBDC to purchase my P-plate for driving. Then proceeded to town for a dental appointment. Anyway, I have said before that I was going to meet up these 2 guys who wanted to form a band or something. The one who contacted me was Cliff. Initially I thought I was cheated cos I couldn't call him the whole morning yesterday. And I was a bit panicky since he had arranged to meet me at Potong Pasir MRT at around 2. So I thought maybe it's all a scam. Who knows he called around 2.30pm while I was gleefully and nonchalantly and geekfully browsing through books at Kinokuniya. That's when I know I got his number wrong. Shit! Hence I rushed down to meet him. When I reached there, saw these 2 teenagers sitting against the wall waiting for me.(I could tell from their expression it's them though we have never met before!)

So I proceeded to shake their hands.

Cliff: Aren't you surprised when you see him(the other guy)?
Me: Surprised? Why?
Cliff: Well he's from TOP 12 in Singapore Idol this year.
Me: (stares blankly and waiting for a reaction to come) Really?! (glances at the other guy who introduced himself as Norman)
Norman: Yeah I was just ousted last week.
Me: Oh, sorry cos I didn't catch any episode of Singapore Idol since I'm in camp most of the time.
***ANTI CLIMAX***

Wah that was a wonderful but freaky surprise. But then there goes my confidence. I'm going to be a keyboardist for some Singapore Idol finalist?! Ok there's some pressure but I'm not really like going to ask for his autograph or something. That'll be dumb. So I followed them to some jamming studio that Cliff has booked. It was so damn cool! My first time stepping into a jamming studio! So when we entered, Cliff(drummer) and Norman(vocalist cum guitarist) just did their thang. I was abit caught off guard as I was trying to figure out the chords for Coldplay's The Scientist. I had no experience on the field, and this is like the first time I really pounded on a keyboard. Told Cliff earlier but he still asked me to try lol. They sang so many other rock and alternative songs that I have never come across before. It dawned upon me that I am rather outdated with English rock music. As Norman sang I just anyhow play according to the melody. Sounds good. Hahaha. Oh yeah that guy can sing quite well, though I think Peng can sing better. Hahaha. And so they commented I could pick up fast. Anyway, what an indelible experience!

After that was another cool thing. Impromptu-ly, met up with Yaofeng. Then Yusin came along. Yusin had plans to go clubbing with his army friends at DXO. Under much hesitation, we decided to tag along. So, after watching a creepily-funny horror flick called "Dead And Breakfast", we walked down all the way from Somerset to Esplanade where we met Yusin's army mates as well.

I called my sis to ask where she is cos I expected her to maybe fetch me back late? And you know what she told me? "I'm at Esplanade". I almost fainted. The first thing that came to my mind. "DXO"??! Ok it was a coincidence but to no surprise. She's always hanging around at parties. And she's organising them too. She told me that the DXO party last night was organised by her friend so she could sign me and my friends in, for FREE. So COooooooooLLL.. initially had to pay 18 bucks to Yusin's friend who has booked the tickets.. Haha.. the power of connections. My sis ah.. so high-flying in these kind of partying stuff huh!
















Yusin, Yaofeng and me on 2nd storey of DXO



Ok so the whole damn place was overcrowded with intoxicated ladies and gentlemen who threw their images away that night and danced at the dance floor with sweaty bodies brushing against each other. I think there's no place to dance man. Can only jump on the spot, lol. We proceeded to the 2nd storey for drinks and sat down to talk cock and play guessing games, and of cos to indulge ourself in vodka. Haha I felt a bit tipsy after about 3 glasses of it. Perhaps I'm already too tired too. So the night ended late. And I took a cab home.

End of adventure. LOL.

For the first time, I drove at night! Initially I thought it's going to take time to adjust to an auto car, especially at night as well, but luckily I got the hang of it soon! My first try was under my dad's guidance. Wah, it felt really good to drive the huge Camry around. Went for a few rounds near my neighbourhood before I drove around independently! And the good thing is, I'm getting my own car soon! Well, not exactly, since I'm gonna share it with my sis. But still, yippee! Haha, but I guess this means I need to pay for the monthly installment! Argh!

There are quite a number of bands that hooked me up ever since I posted an advertisement on a music website saying I'm keen to join a band. Lol. Some no-band-experience-guy like me, looking for a band!?! Surprisingly, there are a number of replies. Tomorrow I'm meeting somebody new. They wanna try me out. Let's see if we can come out with something? Oh yeah, they are into alternative rock and jazz which I totally dig it.

I'm asked to learn one of their favourite songs, Audiohead's Creep. Just found it and listened to it. And I loved it instantly. Here's the lyrics:

When you were here before
Couldnt look you in the eye
Youre just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
And I wish I was special
Youre so fuckin special

But Im a creep,
Im a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I dont belong here.

I dont care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When Im not around
Youre so fuckin special
I wish I was special

But Im a creep,
Im a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I dont belong here.

Shes running out again,
Shes running out
Shes run run run running out...

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
Youre so fuckin special
I wish I was special...

But Im a creep,
Im a weirdo,
What the hell am I doing here?
I dont belong here.
I dont belong here.

It's an old but great song. Makes me think back at how I used to feel like a "creep". Lol. Anyway, please do listen to it if you're into alternative rock. Oh yea, Radiohead, another band to check out!

Don't worry. Those who's into music won't turn bad. Oh well, maybe not that bad. *Chuckles*

SCENE 1

[Enters stage left, Chao Shun, stands at the middle of the stage with the back facing the audience]
[Spot light shines on him]
[Turns to the front slowly]
[Audience gasps]

Chao Shun: And so, [glances from left to right], there goes another week for me. Another week of [clears throats] torture. Alright, perhaps not that intense yet. But I'm glad I survived it again. [heaves a heavy sigh of relief] Life still goes on right? Face it, I'm in the army, I have no choice but to get along with things. So you, [points towards the audience at a particular middle-aged man] yeah that's right, you, how did you survive the army?

Middle-aged man: Just suck thumb.

Roars of laughter across the audience.

Chao Shun: [smiles] Very true indeed.

[Flashback]

SCENE 2 - 6th day of Fieldcamp during BMT

[center of stage, soldiers digging hard]
Chao Shun: Wah man, so shagged. Can't believe we are doing this!

Soldier #1: Yeah man, now I really salute those Banglah workers. Damn!

Soldier #2: Chao Shun, how come your shellscrape so many flies? Must have been a shit-hole previously! [laughs out loud]

Nightfalls...

Soldier #3: Wild boar alert!!!

Sounds of frenzy everywhere. Soldiers freeze.

Chao Shun: [whispers loudly to Soldier #2] Look! It's over there! It's so gawd damn big!

Fast forward...

SCENE 3 - Hilltop ARTY training

Sergeant Major: Alpha Battery, action front!

Troops echo "Action front!"

[audience watches as soldiers perspired under the hot sun and went around deploying the ARTY gun. In a matter of minutes.]

SCENE 4 - Back to monologue

Chao Shun: What else can I say? This kind of life sucks.

[stage light dims][curtain closes]

You can no longer see me, can you?

I'm on an all-time HIGH right now.

Finally, I managed to fulfil one of my dreams. Was totally overjoyed today. Though I'm usually a perfectionist by nature, this time round, I shall forgive myself and be easily contented for once. Righto, another challenge overcomed! Thanks to all who have given me encouragements all this while. Greatly appreciated. So here's an advice:

Believe in yourself.

As cliche as it may sound, you have to believe in the power of these 3 words, especially the first one.

Met peng today and we headed down town, as usual. My Saturdays are usually spent in town. But today was something different. We sang at K Box Cineleisure! It's been such a loooooooooooonnnnnnnnnng time since I held up the microphone and felt the familiar touch of metal and the weight of it all. And when our voices combined, the tinge of goosebumps and the feeling of nostalgia just comes right away. Peng, more songs to add to our repertoire eh? *Chuckles*






















Here's the surprise Peng! :)


Here's a recap and overview of what went on this week. Had lots of training this week. Had a 10km run. It's funny and ironic that we are always on the run. And with the run comes the sun. And it is not necessarily fun. Hah! Got to drive the big ARTY gun around, if only they have a licence for that, it will be marvellous! Finally got outfield to a hilltop for training on Thursday. From morning till near midnight. Applaud please. Got sunburnt. More "suntanning" for the weeks to come.


On another note, do relationships come and go easily? Hard forged bonds... Do they break just like that? Why must there be an end to something that has just begun?

Is she pretending to be there?

Reminder to self: Tough times don't last. Tough men do.

You know what they say about good times don't last? Well, this saying seems to apply every sunday, especially at this point of time, cos you know why? This means I'm only a few hours away from booking in! And I have one word for that, DREAD. You can try taking the R away though.

BMT life in Tekong has left me with an indelible experience. Though I used to complain so much about the long days spent on that island, I realised just how much I missed the pals I made there. And when it came to the point of time when we were placed on this crossroads where we began to diverse and disperse, the impact it has on me was so great. It is like tearing a photo of your loved one right in front of your eyes as you watch the pieces being littered mercilessly. For one thing I have to thank, it has to be the splendour of our memory. That must be the thing that keeps me going.

Our real gunners' course gonna start this coming week. Heard that we'll be going up this hill to learn how to deploy our artillery guns, action front and cease fire. And our sergeant major has unabashedly told us that this course is going to be a shagged time for us. 3 months of shaggedness, can I take it? He was saying how he believed that good moments should always come after tough ones. Honestly I believe in that too.

But again, how long can good times last?

I need evidence...

Went on a shopping spree today! Well, actually accompanied applie to do her last minute before-the-GSS-ends-shopping with peng. Combed the whole of bugis street for budget items like fanciful dresses which applie would go hide behind curtains and try them out. I was thinking if I had a girlfriend and she turns out to be a shopping freak, how will I react?

1. I'm definitely not going to splurge on her.
2. Since women are getting the upperhand now, she might as well pay everything herself right?
3. Ask her to carry all the shopping bags herself, and on top of that add on 20kg of dumb-bell wheels to each shopping bag.
4. Pray that Great Singapore Sale does not take place annually. Make it once in a decade?
5. Ask her to shop herself. If she drops, that's her business.

Haha.. okok, please, I'm just kidding.

Anyway, it was a happy day, because you know what? I got to eat peach struddel today! I love struddels! And I'm glad my recommendation to the ever bubbly applie was right! She loves it too! Here's a pic to sum it all up!

I've invented my own way of drawing called "Lazy Sketch".. Haha. Since last year, lessons of boring Chinese 'A' lessons in school made me draw lots on my friend Xingle's book. Haha from then on, I draw only with a black pen. Brought a sketch book to camp so I draw whenever I feel like it or when I'm inspired. Here's but a few drawings. Nothing professional, but it's just my form of expression. Click on the pictures for a larger display. =)






















The movie Unforgiven inspired me to draw this. This is actually the first scene of the movie. Shows the lead actor alone in a bus journey to camp. So similar to mine...






















A sketch of my bunk. Or rather my bed in my bunk and the area around it. Not very detailed. As I said before, "Lazy Sketch" lol.





















I thought this was cool! A little optical illusion surrounding my name. :)























A rather simple design but I like it nevertheless.

Woohoo.. looks like I've found another avenue for expression. Music, poetry, and now "Lazy Sketch" Hahaha.. More drawings to come soon!