The road to recovery starts with self-discovery
I'm thinking of what it means to be "normal"? Is there a definition to being "normal"? Since young, I'm viewed differently by a lot of people. I have been labelled names which I don't want to talk about. Yeah, they may be jokes but honestly such jokes shouldn't be cracked. So after I got over that phase, things changed. I changed too. I no longer wanted to be a label. I hate labels. And labelling is discrimination.
Actually, it's not really much of a problem to me, except I'll be emotionally affected by what people call me. So I told myself I needed to change. Well, along the way, things happened. Traumatic events that shook my way of life. I got so affected by what happened that it seemed the way I view life outside the sockets of my eyes changed totally. I admit I'm a very sensitive person. But sometimes, I just wish I wouldn't see things more than ordinary people. Is it so difficult to be an average guy?
Many a times I told myself this, you are "normal". Don't worry. Sometimes, I'm wondering if I'm deceiving myself.
When I was young, I could cry so easily that whenever I got scolded by my parents, I would feel a whiff, and a sour feeling in my nose, and my tears would just flow. However, as I gradually grow up, I have learnt that guys are not supposed to cry. Yes indeed. Crying is not an option for me. Being in the army now toughened me up in a lot of aspects as well.
Sometimes, I wish that I can cry out loud literally. The pain felt inside when you are sad is just overwhelming. Figuratively, my heart is crying. My eyes may not show it. But my heart is drenched.
The debate of what it means to be "normal" can go on and on. There's really no point talking about it. I touch my heart and tell myself that deep down inside me, I'm still me. And no other things can change the fact.
I may not be a true reflection of myself in front of people. But if you were to look closely enough, it's really not hard to find the real me.
1 comment:
Its so tough being human, especially a guy sometimes. Overloaded with so many expectations and responsibilities, so of which are actually not needed at all.
If u are normal, u will probably be quite a boring typical guy. I wont wanna be that cos its boring. Much as my unique self turns some ppl off, I dun see why I shld change for them. The same probably applies for u, and most ppl out there.
Some ppl change themselves cos society laughs at them, but many fail to realise that after they have changed to suit society, society just laughs more. Because it knows that u have conformed and bowed down to its scorns. Life is a joke since society makes fun of us so many times, are u gonna add to its laughter?
Labelling is mean and evil. Please trust me when I say that I know how u feel. Its a been there, done that
Crying is not an option, why? Cos we have a lot of better things we can do with our lives than cry. Tears are just a relief of our stress for that moment but wat causes the problem is not there. Tears are not taboo but just ensure that after that stage, u embark on killing the problem.
I see many ppl seem to have misunderstood u. Sometimes I wonder who is more confused, u or the ones judging u. U seem fine as u are but maybe if u r more frank, make yr true self more explicit, it will be easier for others to appreciate u rather than to criticise or judge. Of cos this is to be done only when u find there's a need for. Not something to just simply jump into, but needing consideration.
But the bottomline will be to love yrself before others can love u. U are a great self and u must appreciate yrself for it rather than be a "normal" who-knows-what. The fact that u know yr flaws means there's room for change, and I rather u work on them than care about other's views
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