I conquered 21km ARMY HALF MARATHON!!! The longest distance I ever ran! I think I don't know my legs anymore. They kept working and working. I kept torturing them ever since I enlisted for NS. I ran long distances and the number of times are simply uncountable! But I guess my legs served me well(though they hurt pretty badly now). Anyway, what an experience!! Imagine sleeping at 8.30pm and waking up at 2.30am just to get ready for the run at Padang. 10,000 over participants altogether! What a breathtaking event. We were flagged off at around 5.45am. And when I ran it just seemed so never-ending. I looked forward to each sign board telling me how many km I have covered. And the inspirational boards that filled the sides of some roads as we ran... "Those who failed didn't know they were so close to succeeding."

Met up with trio just now. Had dinner with her at Heeren's Billy Bombers, our favourite restaurant! Ahh.. really relishes the old times we had.. Just so happy that our friendship is still as strong! She was telling me about her being insecure and confused of the courses to take. I guess I'm feeling pretty much the same. But I can't do anything now since I'm in army. I can only THINK. And I think think think all day. On days when I'm bored, on nights when I'm lonely.

I need to start planning...

I need to keep my relationships alive...

I need to stay strong.

I need to...

BELIEVE.

Finally, I served my weekend guard duty yesterday! It was maddening. Boring. Dull. I waited and waited and waited.. from 8am till 4pm before my 1st shift started. Since I have chosen to do Sentry, I stood at the guard gate post for 4 hours straight. And after that I waited for another 8 hours before my next shift started at 4am the next day. Luckily there was music playing from the radio there, if not I'll really be bored. Well, my Saturday was burnt! Great. At least, according to my Sergeant Major, those who have served one weekend guard duty won't do another one until "every mother's son has done so". It's funny. I realise those high ranks like to address us as "mother's son".

And it seems like a trend that whenever I'm taking a cab to or fro from camp, the taxi uncle will have things to say about army. And of course lots of questions to ask. Then they will go on and on to tell you their experience in the past and sometimes you just wish they could shut up so you can get some peace. But still, you just get amazed by the fact that, "Oh, this old uncle over here has been through army too." And that applies to every other Singaporean men outside whom you see. Or rather, every mother's son.

These few weeks have been running incessantly. And the distance just seems to get longer and longer. My longest run was 2 days ago which I completed 16km. What an achievement! If only SAF provides free ointment to relieve those muscle and joint aches resulted from all the running. And all these trainings are supposedly to prepare ourselves for the 21km next Sunday. Let's WOAH together shall we? Army Half Marathon... How tough can it be? *Laughs out REALLY loud*

Okok, enough about army stuff. I'm now left with a few more hours before I need to book in back to the f***ed up place again. Oops, I apologise for the profanity, but still, F****!!! It's ok Chao Shun, look at the bright side. Look, you get everything free in army! Free food, free lodgings, free medical coverage, etc... What else more can you want?

And you know what? I just want freedom.

Why must the past still haunt you sometimes?

I'm back.
For a while.
Time now? 8.30pm.
I have only like 2 hours?
And I have to return back to camp.
For?
Guard duty.
Great.
My Saturday's burnt.

I'm plagued,
With confusions.
Choked,
With emotions.

And I'll be back,
Soon.

Went on a shopping spree with peng today! Well, he's not the one spree-ing. As usual, it's a budget-y day for him. As for me, I can't resist the temptation of splurging, especially after just getting my monthly SAF allowance. Ok that's bad i know. But it's just this bit of freedom that urges me forward!

Before I continue, I shall not talk about army stuff in this entry! Enough enough enough of army stuff!

Headed to Bugis today and I must say Bugis Village has lots of nice and cheap stuff! I bought 3 shirts today.. Haha.. and for like the first time in my life, I bought myself singlets. And I kind of like them. It's a breakthrough of course. I guess book-out times are precious that you just gotta know how to pamper yourself! HAHA.

Speaking of that, had another crazy KBOX session with peng. It was just wholly-doolly awesome!

And I just realised I need to do something about myself. It's time to reflect and strive for my passion.

Oh yea, before I end, here's to Peng. DAWG. :P

I have lost count of how many times I have booked in and out of camp, be it in Tekong or my current Yio Chu Kang camp. The feeling of dreadness still remains, though it's a bit diluted now. The thing is I'm numbed by this motion. It's like a weekly affair. And thankfully, the days in camp seem to really whizz past. Been undergoing the gunners' course all this while. If you ask me if it's shagged, I would say there were shagged moments. But the welfare and slackness is omnipresent as well. And the thing about the coarse and hostile environment... Well, at least I already got to know 2 or 3 peeps whom I can openly talk to. Sounds pathetic, but it's good enough for now. One of my bunk mates commented that I'm just like him, can "survive" being alone. It makes sense actually. I'm not being anti-social. I'm just having no appetite for socialisation in camp. Especially when the people there are hard to talk to.

Well, anyway, I have also lost count of how many kilometres I have run since I came to 20SA. It's like every week there will be at least 2 times 7km run.. or worse still 10km run.. Those runs really made my legs feel sore and brittle. With sheer determination, I managed to complete the runs each time. Today we had a 10km run at Bishan Park and the area surrounding it. I love the neighbourhood. It seemed so friendly, with students around, parents with their little kids. Each time while I was outfield, I could still see the HDB flats on the exterior behind the big trees. And seeing all the lights as well as the sounds of the engines of cars whizzing past, it just makes me feel that there is life out there. So it really urges me to look forward to grab and experience the outside life each time. This is why I really cherish my book out times. I realise every minute of it is too precious.

Anyway, back to the run today, I notice something really typical. Whenever we spot a figure of the opposite gender, practically ALL the guys will turn to look. After looking, gasps and comments will always be made. It's funny. Being a guy myself, I totally can understand all those oglings. What I'm appalled is by the level of desperation. And I find it rather amusing. And of course, I never fail to steal a glance at worth-looking figures as well. HAHAHA.

I gotta make my bookout days eventful... Yes I must! Let's see...